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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 505229"><p>TA - and everyone else - I have been stewing on this subject for few days now. Probably because I read the OP on a day when I had been fantasizing about sending difficult child a letter and what I would say etc and dreaming that a letter MUST get through to him because nothing else had. And it was only when I read this post and re-read a few chapters in "When Parents Hurt" and then answered your post - that I realized a letter won't get through to my son. Which really stings. But it won't. </p><p></p><p>Forgive me for musing aloud, but I would love to read a letter from my son. It would get through to me. And - when I am having trouble expressing myself to my husband - I write him an email. In fact, I've copied some of my own OPs from this board and turned them into emails to my h*. When my mom and I had some problems last year - she wrote me an email. It got through to me - even though it took a few days. </p><p></p><p>But the common thread is that the reader was RECEPTIVE and open to the writer. And when our kids don't want anything to do with us - it is nonsensical to think they will be OPEN and RECEPTIVE to us - even in written form. So that's why I think it can be an exercise in futility. I think we all fantasize about it - it plays out so well on screen and in fiction - and I suspect we all have a one or two people in our lives from whom we would LOVE to receive such a letter. Adopted or not - and I understand there are special issues with adoptions - our kids have deliberately closed themselves off from us. It's not a question for me whether or not my kid knows that I love him. I know he knows. But he is taking power & some sort of sick delight in denying me his presence and his love. And a letter from me would only fuel that power & delight while at the same time giving him more of a chance to hurt me through disregard. </p><p></p><p>So there you have it. Sorry to put so much of myself in your thread. But your post struck a chord close to my core. I wish us all peace. {{{hugs}}}</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>*Not because he is difficult to talk to - but because I need him to understand how I feel which I don't always express clearly in a 2-way conversation. An email gives me the chance to edit, rewrite, be more succinct (tho not less wordy HA) and to get it all out there. not a normal means of convo for us - but something I've done 5 or so times when our conversations don't reflect what I am trying to say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 505229"] TA - and everyone else - I have been stewing on this subject for few days now. Probably because I read the OP on a day when I had been fantasizing about sending difficult child a letter and what I would say etc and dreaming that a letter MUST get through to him because nothing else had. And it was only when I read this post and re-read a few chapters in "When Parents Hurt" and then answered your post - that I realized a letter won't get through to my son. Which really stings. But it won't. Forgive me for musing aloud, but I would love to read a letter from my son. It would get through to me. And - when I am having trouble expressing myself to my husband - I write him an email. In fact, I've copied some of my own OPs from this board and turned them into emails to my h*. When my mom and I had some problems last year - she wrote me an email. It got through to me - even though it took a few days. But the common thread is that the reader was RECEPTIVE and open to the writer. And when our kids don't want anything to do with us - it is nonsensical to think they will be OPEN and RECEPTIVE to us - even in written form. So that's why I think it can be an exercise in futility. I think we all fantasize about it - it plays out so well on screen and in fiction - and I suspect we all have a one or two people in our lives from whom we would LOVE to receive such a letter. Adopted or not - and I understand there are special issues with adoptions - our kids have deliberately closed themselves off from us. It's not a question for me whether or not my kid knows that I love him. I know he knows. But he is taking power & some sort of sick delight in denying me his presence and his love. And a letter from me would only fuel that power & delight while at the same time giving him more of a chance to hurt me through disregard. So there you have it. Sorry to put so much of myself in your thread. But your post struck a chord close to my core. I wish us all peace. {{{hugs}}} *Not because he is difficult to talk to - but because I need him to understand how I feel which I don't always express clearly in a 2-way conversation. An email gives me the chance to edit, rewrite, be more succinct (tho not less wordy HA) and to get it all out there. not a normal means of convo for us - but something I've done 5 or so times when our conversations don't reflect what I am trying to say. [/QUOTE]
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