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<blockquote data-quote="crotthof" data-source="post: 505405" data-attributes="member: 13809"><p>My oldest daughter, age 36, lives in another state. When her father and I divorced, she was 10 and wanted to stay with her father. She threatened to run away to him as I was moving 200 miles away to go back to college. I wanted her to have a stable and familiar place to adjust and heal so I agreed she could stay with her dad. It started out to be a "friendly" divorce with good visitation and shared custody, as I had our 2 yr daughter with me. It did not stay friendly. He got religous, demanded I come home as his right and refused to let me see our 10 year old for a year. Lots of calls later and she started to come to visit myself and her sister. 4 years latter she rebelled against her father and came to live with-me, my new spouse and sister.</p><p></p><p>It was a very hard time with her lies, anger, leaving home to hang out with her boyfriends for days and getting her counciling. I sent her to live with my brother in her senior year of HS after the strain and lies became toxic to the rest of the family. My brother lived a mile away and agreed to help me try tough love. Sort of worked. As the years went by, I chased my daughter to try and heal the distance between us. It seemed we had for a time, but she became jealous of her younger sister and became estranged. She denied letting me see my 2 older grandchildren, ages 10 and 6.</p><p></p><p>My youngest daughter and I have an easier relationship and are close. My youngest daughter has been helping me with my 87 year old mother for 6 years now since my father died. We moved my mom from Dallas to our current home town so she would not be alone and we could help her live independently close by me. My brother moved to Colorado to live with my older daughter and her family as he has a hard time living by himself. Weird family mix there, seems to work for them but her husband resents my brother's influence with the grandkids and oldest daughter. He is afraid if he says anything he will lose his wife and children. </p><p> </p><p>Neither my brother or my oldest daughter have helped much with my mom. My mom developed dementia the last few years with other health issues and this led to 15 hospital visits in 16 months, 10 of the hospital visits in a 3.5 month period last year. I had to resign my job last May to take care of my mom, move her to assisted living and consolidate the financial affairs as her primary manager. There is a moderately large trust set up to provide income for mom, both my brother and I are trustees on it with our mom. My brother has ignored the trust for 6 years. Mom has allowed me to access some of the trust funds for my personal needs over the years in return for the time, care and effort I have given to her the last several years. Not a lot, but it helped me fill in some financial holes I had. Mom has also helped my youngest daughter and her family for thier efforts in caring for mom. Currently my youngest daughter is living in a rental house my mother owns, paying rent to her, with mom getting badly needed income tax breaks from the house. My youngest daughter and her family will purchase the house eventually from mom or myself when it come to me. The trust is divided equally between my brother and I when mom dies, but part of that is the ownership of the house is included in my share of the estate. That house has been the catalyst in this whole mess.</p><p></p><p>My oldest daughter wanted mom to help her purchase a house for her family in Colorado. Mom declined as she does not want to own property out of state and knows my oldest daughter is lousy about paying lent money back to the family. Oldest daughter became jealous, accused me of favoritism and decided not to talk to any of us in Texas or have any interaction. </p><p> </p><p>My brother jumps in here to be an advocate for my 37 year old daughter, accuses me of mismanagement of the trust, still does not try to help with our mother but wants treatment to be equal between my daughters. </p><p> </p><p>How can people expect equal treatment/affection/goodwill when they don't make the effort to share in the You +1'd this publicly. or at least interact with the family? </p><p> </p><p>My brother and oldest daughter have created unneed family drama with a great deal of pain for those of us in Texas and refuse to work thru a mediator to resolve things. My brother and oldest daughter are now demanding an audit to prove my mismanagement of trust funds. My oldest daughter is not on the trust. </p><p> </p><p>My oldest daughter is hitting back to hurt her sister and myself due to jealously and greed. My brother is hitting back for control and greed. I miss my grandchildren, but I am wanting to disown my oldest child and my brother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="crotthof, post: 505405, member: 13809"] My oldest daughter, age 36, lives in another state. When her father and I divorced, she was 10 and wanted to stay with her father. She threatened to run away to him as I was moving 200 miles away to go back to college. I wanted her to have a stable and familiar place to adjust and heal so I agreed she could stay with her dad. It started out to be a "friendly" divorce with good visitation and shared custody, as I had our 2 yr daughter with me. It did not stay friendly. He got religous, demanded I come home as his right and refused to let me see our 10 year old for a year. Lots of calls later and she started to come to visit myself and her sister. 4 years latter she rebelled against her father and came to live with-me, my new spouse and sister. It was a very hard time with her lies, anger, leaving home to hang out with her boyfriends for days and getting her counciling. I sent her to live with my brother in her senior year of HS after the strain and lies became toxic to the rest of the family. My brother lived a mile away and agreed to help me try tough love. Sort of worked. As the years went by, I chased my daughter to try and heal the distance between us. It seemed we had for a time, but she became jealous of her younger sister and became estranged. She denied letting me see my 2 older grandchildren, ages 10 and 6. My youngest daughter and I have an easier relationship and are close. My youngest daughter has been helping me with my 87 year old mother for 6 years now since my father died. We moved my mom from Dallas to our current home town so she would not be alone and we could help her live independently close by me. My brother moved to Colorado to live with my older daughter and her family as he has a hard time living by himself. Weird family mix there, seems to work for them but her husband resents my brother's influence with the grandkids and oldest daughter. He is afraid if he says anything he will lose his wife and children. Neither my brother or my oldest daughter have helped much with my mom. My mom developed dementia the last few years with other health issues and this led to 15 hospital visits in 16 months, 10 of the hospital visits in a 3.5 month period last year. I had to resign my job last May to take care of my mom, move her to assisted living and consolidate the financial affairs as her primary manager. There is a moderately large trust set up to provide income for mom, both my brother and I are trustees on it with our mom. My brother has ignored the trust for 6 years. Mom has allowed me to access some of the trust funds for my personal needs over the years in return for the time, care and effort I have given to her the last several years. Not a lot, but it helped me fill in some financial holes I had. Mom has also helped my youngest daughter and her family for thier efforts in caring for mom. Currently my youngest daughter is living in a rental house my mother owns, paying rent to her, with mom getting badly needed income tax breaks from the house. My youngest daughter and her family will purchase the house eventually from mom or myself when it come to me. The trust is divided equally between my brother and I when mom dies, but part of that is the ownership of the house is included in my share of the estate. That house has been the catalyst in this whole mess. My oldest daughter wanted mom to help her purchase a house for her family in Colorado. Mom declined as she does not want to own property out of state and knows my oldest daughter is lousy about paying lent money back to the family. Oldest daughter became jealous, accused me of favoritism and decided not to talk to any of us in Texas or have any interaction. My brother jumps in here to be an advocate for my 37 year old daughter, accuses me of mismanagement of the trust, still does not try to help with our mother but wants treatment to be equal between my daughters. How can people expect equal treatment/affection/goodwill when they don't make the effort to share in the You +1'd this publicly. or at least interact with the family? My brother and oldest daughter have created unneed family drama with a great deal of pain for those of us in Texas and refuse to work thru a mediator to resolve things. My brother and oldest daughter are now demanding an audit to prove my mismanagement of trust funds. My oldest daughter is not on the trust. My oldest daughter is hitting back to hurt her sister and myself due to jealously and greed. My brother is hitting back for control and greed. I miss my grandchildren, but I am wanting to disown my oldest child and my brother. [/QUOTE]
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