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Letting difficult child go.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603180" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>W247, I am so, so sorry. I'm glad you found us, we are a group of parents who know how you feel. I personally know exactly the heartbreak you speak of and I know others will be along who also know and understand how you feel. Hang in there. Keep posting. </p><p></p><p>You made the only choice left to you. When our adult kids do not want help there is nothing we can do. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. In my opinion, having gone through this treacherous landscape, you will need professional help, a therapist, a group, someone or someones who will guide you, support you, hold you up and give you the tools you need. You may want to get in touch with NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access then online, they have chapters everywhere and they can help. They have parent groups and will be able to give you much needed information and support. I myself got into a year and a half long codependency program through a large HMO where I got private therapy and got into a group of other parents who had kids who are mentally ill. It was all a lifesaver to me. I needed all of that support to navigate myself through the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You <u>CAN</u> find a way to live with this. But, you will need help.</p><p></p><p>It is tragic, that's a perfect way to put it. The problem for us parents is that we are powerless to change another or make choices for them, only they can make those changes. It is a process. Detachment is something which goes against our parental instincts to protect, nurture, support, love and take care of. However, our kids put us on a different planet, one where all the rules are different and it takes time and a commitment to shift our beliefs and our understanding so that we can not only survive <em>but thrive as well.</em> All you can do is learn to respond differently to your daughter's choices, to accept what you cannot change, to find some peace in the midst of all of the chaos of someone else's choices, to recognize your powerlessness and find a way to live your own life with joy. I know now that probably seems like a tall order, but it is possible. </p><p></p><p>Begin to focus on YOU. Take care of YOU. Focus on your grand-babies and your husband. You deserve a healthy, peaceful life. At this point it's going to be up to you to achieve that by the detachment process you've already begun. Keep posting, we can be here to support you as you go through this, we 'get it.' I'm glad you found us. Keep posting. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603180, member: 13542"] W247, I am so, so sorry. I'm glad you found us, we are a group of parents who know how you feel. I personally know exactly the heartbreak you speak of and I know others will be along who also know and understand how you feel. Hang in there. Keep posting. You made the only choice left to you. When our adult kids do not want help there is nothing we can do. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. In my opinion, having gone through this treacherous landscape, you will need professional help, a therapist, a group, someone or someones who will guide you, support you, hold you up and give you the tools you need. You may want to get in touch with NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access then online, they have chapters everywhere and they can help. They have parent groups and will be able to give you much needed information and support. I myself got into a year and a half long codependency program through a large HMO where I got private therapy and got into a group of other parents who had kids who are mentally ill. It was all a lifesaver to me. I needed all of that support to navigate myself through the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You [U]CAN[/U] find a way to live with this. But, you will need help. It is tragic, that's a perfect way to put it. The problem for us parents is that we are powerless to change another or make choices for them, only they can make those changes. It is a process. Detachment is something which goes against our parental instincts to protect, nurture, support, love and take care of. However, our kids put us on a different planet, one where all the rules are different and it takes time and a commitment to shift our beliefs and our understanding so that we can not only survive [I]but thrive as well.[/I] All you can do is learn to respond differently to your daughter's choices, to accept what you cannot change, to find some peace in the midst of all of the chaos of someone else's choices, to recognize your powerlessness and find a way to live your own life with joy. I know now that probably seems like a tall order, but it is possible. Begin to focus on YOU. Take care of YOU. Focus on your grand-babies and your husband. You deserve a healthy, peaceful life. At this point it's going to be up to you to achieve that by the detachment process you've already begun. Keep posting, we can be here to support you as you go through this, we 'get it.' I'm glad you found us. Keep posting. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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