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Letting difficult child go.
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 604168" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Hey w247, welcome to our little corner of the internet. I have a lot of empathy for you because I know how hard it is to handle difficult children when other people want to stick their noses in. </p><p></p><p>I can also understand because I have been your daughter. Oh I didnt do the exact same things but I have done many things that I regret very badly now. I am also bipolar and borderline. I wasnt diagnosed until my late 30's but after doing a whole lot of research I know I have had this since I was a child. However I didnt have a clue why I was acting so idiotic when I was younger. My current hubby used to think I had the worlds worst case of PMS because I might have one good week a month and the rest of the time I was horrible to live with. Thankfully he hung in there but Im sure a good share of the time was only because of our kids. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is only 23 and that is very young. A person's frontal lobe isnt even done growing until they are around 25 or so. Dont give up on her eventually coming around. It does get tiring to live the life of an unmedicated and untreated person with these diagnosis. One day she may wake up and realize she needs help. </p><p></p><p>None of this is your fault and you truly cannot fix it for her. I also have kids with differing issues and so many times I have wished I could stick a band aid on them and fix all their problems for them but this is something we just cant fix alone. To those friends and family who think you are doing something wrong, well they havent been there and its easy to talk a good game. I have a good example of that. My step-mom used to brag about her grandson who was just a few years younger than my boys. Oh he was so perfect compared to my little hellions. Well I hadnt seen him in quite a few years when things started creeping into conversations. He wasnt doing as well in school when he got into high school. There was talk that he might not even graduate on time! Oh my was that an embarrassment...lol. </p><p></p><p>A few years later my dad died and this grandson came to the wake with a couple of his friends and they reeked of pot. His mother and grandmother just pretended they didnt notice. On the other hand, me and my boys were laughing on the inside because Mr. Perfect had fallen from his throne. </p><p></p><p>I guess what Im trying to say is that people who give all that advice and think that their kids are doing so well that they should be experts at telling you what to do, may end up with a big surprise one day. Life happens. What you need to do now is deal with this problem. Figure out what you are willing to put up with and what you arent. In my opinion this line will be drawn again and again. I have come to realize I can never say never with my kids. Sometimes you have to change expectations and that is okay. I cant even tell you how many times we have had to adjust our expectations with our kids. </p><p></p><p>Right now is probably the worst time for you because this all came to a head pretty fast. The idea of therapy is a great one if you can find one who understands what we go through. </p><p></p><p>I really do wish you the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 604168, member: 1514"] Hey w247, welcome to our little corner of the internet. I have a lot of empathy for you because I know how hard it is to handle difficult children when other people want to stick their noses in. I can also understand because I have been your daughter. Oh I didnt do the exact same things but I have done many things that I regret very badly now. I am also bipolar and borderline. I wasnt diagnosed until my late 30's but after doing a whole lot of research I know I have had this since I was a child. However I didnt have a clue why I was acting so idiotic when I was younger. My current hubby used to think I had the worlds worst case of PMS because I might have one good week a month and the rest of the time I was horrible to live with. Thankfully he hung in there but Im sure a good share of the time was only because of our kids. Your daughter is only 23 and that is very young. A person's frontal lobe isnt even done growing until they are around 25 or so. Dont give up on her eventually coming around. It does get tiring to live the life of an unmedicated and untreated person with these diagnosis. One day she may wake up and realize she needs help. None of this is your fault and you truly cannot fix it for her. I also have kids with differing issues and so many times I have wished I could stick a band aid on them and fix all their problems for them but this is something we just cant fix alone. To those friends and family who think you are doing something wrong, well they havent been there and its easy to talk a good game. I have a good example of that. My step-mom used to brag about her grandson who was just a few years younger than my boys. Oh he was so perfect compared to my little hellions. Well I hadnt seen him in quite a few years when things started creeping into conversations. He wasnt doing as well in school when he got into high school. There was talk that he might not even graduate on time! Oh my was that an embarrassment...lol. A few years later my dad died and this grandson came to the wake with a couple of his friends and they reeked of pot. His mother and grandmother just pretended they didnt notice. On the other hand, me and my boys were laughing on the inside because Mr. Perfect had fallen from his throne. I guess what Im trying to say is that people who give all that advice and think that their kids are doing so well that they should be experts at telling you what to do, may end up with a big surprise one day. Life happens. What you need to do now is deal with this problem. Figure out what you are willing to put up with and what you arent. In my opinion this line will be drawn again and again. I have come to realize I can never say never with my kids. Sometimes you have to change expectations and that is okay. I cant even tell you how many times we have had to adjust our expectations with our kids. Right now is probably the worst time for you because this all came to a head pretty fast. The idea of therapy is a great one if you can find one who understands what we go through. I really do wish you the best. [/QUOTE]
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