Oh for heaven's sake, here I am replying to my own thread first again. But this is what happened around posting this thread: I found myself explaining how beneficial it would be for us to discuss how this not focusing on outcome thing works. In other words, I was painting a picture of how this all had to look even where this thread is concerned.
So focusing on outcome, or judging our performances or value based on outcome must be something we do so automatically we don't even see it.
No wonder we feel so terribly about what is happening with our kids.
We are judging from outcome, trying so desperately to figure out where we went wrong because it doesn't look like it's supposed to.
Sometimes, we battle away at whether doing what we need to do to change the patterns evolved over time as we deal with our difficult child kids means we still get to love them, still get to call them to just say "hi", still get to enjoy the times before things went so wrong or not.
So, isn't that something. (Cedar said, stifling herself before she can write anything more about how all this should look.)
Cedar
