Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Lies: Wants money because shelter not safe/open
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 590722" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning Barbara, I was glad to read your post and discover that you and husband are holding your ground and doing as well as can be expected today. Good job! I know that sounds kind of weird to say considering how horrid it is to do what you are doing, but I think we all need acknowledgements along the way. As WTW mentioned we are all in uncharted territory not one of us would choose to be in and we're creating it as we go along. There is no roadmap for the kind of parenting we are forced into doing.</p><p></p><p>I have much difficulty hearing my daughter cry too, it is heart-wrenching to me. I was relating this to my therapy group months ago and the therapist said, "you don't have to listen, you can get off the phone." It sounds so simple, but it freed me from this belief or some kind of stuckness which made me stay on the phone with her, listening, no matter what it did to me. From then on, when the conversation began going south for me, I would say, I'm getting off now and hang up. After awhile, my difficult child began getting my boundaries and stopped doing all of the behaviors that were intolerable to me. I told her it hurt me too much.</p><p></p><p>I so understand your husband's responses. This is not who I am either. And, I had to face the fact that my daughter may die. That is pretty dreadful. It is also pretty dreadful that THEY put US in the position of having to be people we aren't, people who have to detach from them in order to survive the horrors they bring to our doorstep. </p><p></p><p>It's such a process, little by little you face all of it, the resentments, the angers, the profound hurt, the unending fears for their safety, the deep disappointments, the losses, all of it. I needed a lot of help from professionals to do that. But, it all begins to recede, to lessen, we human beings are remarkable in what we can adapt to. Like living in a war zone, you adapt, you accept, you become willing to acknowledge you have absolutely no control over this and you are powerless. That powerlessness is what drives us into control and insanity. And, conversely, the acknowledgement of that powerlessness, the acceptance of it, is what liberates us too.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, both of you, you are really doing the right thing and also the healthy thing. Without you enabling her, she has a chance, if she chooses to take it. Letting go frees all of you. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 590722, member: 13542"] Good morning Barbara, I was glad to read your post and discover that you and husband are holding your ground and doing as well as can be expected today. Good job! I know that sounds kind of weird to say considering how horrid it is to do what you are doing, but I think we all need acknowledgements along the way. As WTW mentioned we are all in uncharted territory not one of us would choose to be in and we're creating it as we go along. There is no roadmap for the kind of parenting we are forced into doing. I have much difficulty hearing my daughter cry too, it is heart-wrenching to me. I was relating this to my therapy group months ago and the therapist said, "you don't have to listen, you can get off the phone." It sounds so simple, but it freed me from this belief or some kind of stuckness which made me stay on the phone with her, listening, no matter what it did to me. From then on, when the conversation began going south for me, I would say, I'm getting off now and hang up. After awhile, my difficult child began getting my boundaries and stopped doing all of the behaviors that were intolerable to me. I told her it hurt me too much. I so understand your husband's responses. This is not who I am either. And, I had to face the fact that my daughter may die. That is pretty dreadful. It is also pretty dreadful that THEY put US in the position of having to be people we aren't, people who have to detach from them in order to survive the horrors they bring to our doorstep. It's such a process, little by little you face all of it, the resentments, the angers, the profound hurt, the unending fears for their safety, the deep disappointments, the losses, all of it. I needed a lot of help from professionals to do that. But, it all begins to recede, to lessen, we human beings are remarkable in what we can adapt to. Like living in a war zone, you adapt, you accept, you become willing to acknowledge you have absolutely no control over this and you are powerless. That powerlessness is what drives us into control and insanity. And, conversely, the acknowledgement of that powerlessness, the acceptance of it, is what liberates us too. Hang in there, both of you, you are really doing the right thing and also the healthy thing. Without you enabling her, she has a chance, if she chooses to take it. Letting go frees all of you. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Lies: Wants money because shelter not safe/open
Top