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Lies: Wants money because shelter not safe/open
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 590741" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I'm right there in the same shoes with you Barbara! It hurts me to the very core of my being, but I keep reminding myself it's his choices and only his. My soon to be 35yo difficult child would always tell me I was his only family that cared about him. At the time I didn't see it as a manipulative move to guilt me into always sending money.</p><p></p><p>Around November of last year I was jumpimg through hoops to get money to my homeless son so he could at least finish that semester. I was really stressed and thinking of how he finally had matured enough to go back to school and train for a new career. I was pushing back the thoughts that he had quit his job to go to school and was expecting me to support him for about 5 years.</p><p></p><p>Fate intervened and I learned all of it was lies, they were using my money to party! I felt like the biggest fool and it also hurt very much that difficult child and girlie would go to such an extend to extort money from me. It also opened my eyes!!! After I confronted difficult child about the lies (I usually did not!) and told him no more money he had a few choice words to say and then threathened suicide and stealing to get money.</p><p></p><p>I just ignored him and then he cut off all contact. It is a sad situation, and like your husband, I did feel as if I was turning my back on my son. Even our church sermons are on compassion for others, forgive, and turn the other cheek. It makes us feel like monsters! My thoughts for the longest time were, what in the h*** did I do to deserve this? I feel as if I have been going though this my entire life! I finally understand that giving him money just reinforces his idea that I will each time he calls. I also came to the conclusion that he only cares for me when I do give him money. It may be the drugs, what ever it is I can't, refuse to, have a realtionship like that any more.</p><p></p><p>It does get easier with time and I am another that refuses to help in anyway until they start to help themselves. I'm so happy that you have the support of hubby. My hubby came in the picture after difficult child had left home so he is not emotionally attached, it helps tremendously! The other members of my family that I know would not understand I refuse to discuss it with. Hubby and my daughter are the only ones that agree with my decisions.</p><p></p><p>I hope your day is going well, you sound strong. When I first joined the forum I was embarrassed that I was still posting these problems at mine and difficult child's age. This forum and members have helped me so much. My heartfelt thanks goes out to everyone that is willing to share their pain so others may feel some level of comfort!</p><p> (((huggs and blessings for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 590741, member: 13558"] I'm right there in the same shoes with you Barbara! It hurts me to the very core of my being, but I keep reminding myself it's his choices and only his. My soon to be 35yo difficult child would always tell me I was his only family that cared about him. At the time I didn't see it as a manipulative move to guilt me into always sending money. Around November of last year I was jumpimg through hoops to get money to my homeless son so he could at least finish that semester. I was really stressed and thinking of how he finally had matured enough to go back to school and train for a new career. I was pushing back the thoughts that he had quit his job to go to school and was expecting me to support him for about 5 years. Fate intervened and I learned all of it was lies, they were using my money to party! I felt like the biggest fool and it also hurt very much that difficult child and girlie would go to such an extend to extort money from me. It also opened my eyes!!! After I confronted difficult child about the lies (I usually did not!) and told him no more money he had a few choice words to say and then threathened suicide and stealing to get money. I just ignored him and then he cut off all contact. It is a sad situation, and like your husband, I did feel as if I was turning my back on my son. Even our church sermons are on compassion for others, forgive, and turn the other cheek. It makes us feel like monsters! My thoughts for the longest time were, what in the h*** did I do to deserve this? I feel as if I have been going though this my entire life! I finally understand that giving him money just reinforces his idea that I will each time he calls. I also came to the conclusion that he only cares for me when I do give him money. It may be the drugs, what ever it is I can't, refuse to, have a realtionship like that any more. It does get easier with time and I am another that refuses to help in anyway until they start to help themselves. I'm so happy that you have the support of hubby. My hubby came in the picture after difficult child had left home so he is not emotionally attached, it helps tremendously! The other members of my family that I know would not understand I refuse to discuss it with. Hubby and my daughter are the only ones that agree with my decisions. I hope your day is going well, you sound strong. When I first joined the forum I was embarrassed that I was still posting these problems at mine and difficult child's age. This forum and members have helped me so much. My heartfelt thanks goes out to everyone that is willing to share their pain so others may feel some level of comfort! (((huggs and blessings for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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