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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 755636" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Wise, I'm sorry for your heart-ache and emptiness over how your daughter is treating you. Over the last year I found out a lot of bold-faced lies that my ex-husband told me throughout our marriage. He is an alcoholic and I wanted to believe what he told me and what he told me was what I wanted to hear. Not necessarily the truth. The I love you's were always flying around daily to throw a cloud of dirt over my eyes. Who could believe someone who says I love you so many times a day is also lying right to your face about other things? I couldn't imagine it. But what I do know now from therapy and years of Al anon, is that addicts will say and do whatever it takes to satisfy whatever their addiction is. </p><p></p><p>They are not necessarily "bad" people, they are simply addicts who are controlled by their habit they will do whatever is necessary to continue their addiction. </p><p></p><p>What I've found we have to do is get off that merry-go-round and fast! But with that said it took me 30 years to do it..LOL but not really funny. We love our children, we love our spouses and we think they think as we do. That is not the case. Their one and only sole motive is to continue their addiction. Plain and simple. Their advantage is that we love and care about them which is often our disadvantage in that we want so much for our relationships to work that we are always the one's trying to fix it, patch it up and make it look pretty. It's our way of not facing the truth. We think if we can deny they are taking drugs or drinking themselves into oblivion again that the problem isn't happening. As we say in Al anon, "If you deny the truth your life will become unmanageable."</p><p></p><p>I've found we want so bad for everything to be "normal" so we can feel better within ourselves. But truth be told, we still feel in knots when we are denying the truth. It's only when we expose the problem that we can start the long road to healing. But not to be discourage. It is a long road, however, this time we're working towards something good that will bring peace if to no one else but ourselves to start with.</p><p></p><p>Sending hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 755636, member: 23405"] Wise, I'm sorry for your heart-ache and emptiness over how your daughter is treating you. Over the last year I found out a lot of bold-faced lies that my ex-husband told me throughout our marriage. He is an alcoholic and I wanted to believe what he told me and what he told me was what I wanted to hear. Not necessarily the truth. The I love you's were always flying around daily to throw a cloud of dirt over my eyes. Who could believe someone who says I love you so many times a day is also lying right to your face about other things? I couldn't imagine it. But what I do know now from therapy and years of Al anon, is that addicts will say and do whatever it takes to satisfy whatever their addiction is. They are not necessarily "bad" people, they are simply addicts who are controlled by their habit they will do whatever is necessary to continue their addiction. What I've found we have to do is get off that merry-go-round and fast! But with that said it took me 30 years to do it..LOL but not really funny. We love our children, we love our spouses and we think they think as we do. That is not the case. Their one and only sole motive is to continue their addiction. Plain and simple. Their advantage is that we love and care about them which is often our disadvantage in that we want so much for our relationships to work that we are always the one's trying to fix it, patch it up and make it look pretty. It's our way of not facing the truth. We think if we can deny they are taking drugs or drinking themselves into oblivion again that the problem isn't happening. As we say in Al anon, "If you deny the truth your life will become unmanageable." I've found we want so bad for everything to be "normal" so we can feel better within ourselves. But truth be told, we still feel in knots when we are denying the truth. It's only when we expose the problem that we can start the long road to healing. But not to be discourage. It is a long road, however, this time we're working towards something good that will bring peace if to no one else but ourselves to start with. Sending hugs! [/QUOTE]
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