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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 189476" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>She needed the computer for on-line classes at school. The old computer was not equipped to what is needed to tap into the programs. I will get the old computer so difficult child can have this one back.</p><p> </p><p>husband does not treat easy child better than he treats me. He is supportive of my decision not to buy her anything based on how she treats me. </p><p> </p><p>husband has always been quiet and on the road a lot. easy child sees me as the mean one. She always thinks that any negative decisions come from me. She sees her dad as a pushover, "I can get anything from dad!" which is also not true. She is starting to realize that she can not get everything from her dad and she thinks that it is because I am not allowing it. She thinks I am interferring in her manipulations when in fact husband does see through them and I am the one who would give in not him.</p><p> </p><p>easy child knows that husband does not like to spend money and it is my spending that gets her what she wants most of the time. I do leave the big ticket item decisions to husband (computers, vehicles, ect.) but for the most part I am the pushover.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't like the fact that I have decided she is now ready to support herself at another level. She can buy her own clothes, shoes, ect. We will pay for college but it is up to her to start pitching in more financially. We did stop paying for gas when she finished her high school classes - no more school - no need for gas from parents to get you there. </p><p> </p><p>She has taken everything we have given her for granted so now she has to learn the hard way how precious those gifts were. Whenever she is stressed, she finds a way to blame me, always has.</p><p> </p><p>She has signed up for 4 on-line classes and has only one assignment left from this week. She signed up on Tuesday following a placement test that she had to set up and spent about $7.50 at the library printing out her sylabises (? spelling) on Wednesday. She had to deal with college staff not returning her calls but I told her that she had 5 months to get this done and because she waited until the last day of registration (last Friday) to do anything, I could not help her. The phones would be just as busy for me and know one would call me back either. </p><p> </p><p>She needs to learn not to procrastinate - she is so lucky to get in at this late date. The college assigned an advisor which she didn't think she could talk to until after she was enrolled. I told her to ask the advisor what to do since she will not listen to me and that if the college assigned this person already, this person can advise on how to get enrolled. So she called the advisor and followed that person's instructions. (I proved to be right once again and that fries her) She also had to get her transcript from a private school that is closed on Fridays and closed this week. She called the school's secretary at home who was kind enough to go in and take care of it last Friday (Thank goodness for small private schools with awesome staff who really do care about the kids - I will thank her on Tuesday when I sign difficult child up for tutoing). The on-line person also assisted her on getting books which were set aside for me to pay for. One book was not in the book store so easy child spent time with her advisor to order it on line and just called me for the credit card number when it was time to pay.</p><p> </p><p>So, she is very capable of handling life. She would just rather someone handle it for her and sees me as the one preventing anyone from catering to her. I think she spends too much time solving her friend's problems that she wants me to solve hers. She needs to walk away from these "friends" and focus on her own self right now. That is why I wish she would go off to college - some kids need to get out of town to start new.</p><p> </p><p>She is going to be an awesome adult once she recognizes her own abilities and can cut her home town ties. I am so happy she hasn't mentioned a certain friend lately and outside of her godchild and her other babysitting job, she is focusing on school.</p><p> </p><p>She was 6 when difficult child was born and was very jealous of what she perceived as the spotlight being moved from her to him which also was not true. He was a quiet easy baby making it even easier to continue to stay as active as I could be in her life - making sure we had mom/daughter time, taking her to voice lessons, girl scouts, concerts, etc. She did not get pushed to the back burner when brother came along but I guess she can't handle any attention he did get because it was given to him and not her. Very selfish! And as much as I tried to find ways for the two of them to bond, it is difficult with the 6 year difference and it never happened.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child adores easy child but is tired of her rudeness. We were both floored when she offered to take him swimming not to long ago. There is hope yet!</p><p> </p><p>Not many people outside the home have seen her true colors. She really is a great person who just happens to use me as the focus of getting rid of anger, stress, whatever. It is like she takes all her negativeness and throws it away using me as her garbage can. Like when our difficult children have held it together to be good all day and then meltdown when they walk into the house? I am her melting pot. People always comment to me how mature she is and how she can learn and handle job duties well. If you met her, you wouldn't have a clue that she behaves like this at home.</p><p> </p><p>She is just resisting in taking on grown up responsibilities. I don't get it, when I was her age, I actually looked forward to showing myself that I could live on my own and meet my own responsibilities. I think she is just scared to take that next step - afraid of failure. One day last weekend, she was home alone overnight - I told husband that by the sound of her voice, I don't think she liked it and he agreed. She doesn't like to come home at night to an empty house.</p><p> </p><p>I know she will not fail but she feels that she has to prepare me to be at fault if anything does happen. I am her safety net in her eyes. If I truly didn't feel she could handle it, I wouldn't be pushing for her to grow up. Then I remind myself that she is a young graduate - just turned 18 in July so in order to be where the other graduates are, she does need another six months to a year to mature - most kids are 18 before they graduate.</p><p> </p><p>So for rambling - thank you for reading - I hope it makes sense - my people person will make it, just needs more time to mature (I hope!).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 189476, member: 5096"] She needed the computer for on-line classes at school. The old computer was not equipped to what is needed to tap into the programs. I will get the old computer so difficult child can have this one back. husband does not treat easy child better than he treats me. He is supportive of my decision not to buy her anything based on how she treats me. husband has always been quiet and on the road a lot. easy child sees me as the mean one. She always thinks that any negative decisions come from me. She sees her dad as a pushover, "I can get anything from dad!" which is also not true. She is starting to realize that she can not get everything from her dad and she thinks that it is because I am not allowing it. She thinks I am interferring in her manipulations when in fact husband does see through them and I am the one who would give in not him. easy child knows that husband does not like to spend money and it is my spending that gets her what she wants most of the time. I do leave the big ticket item decisions to husband (computers, vehicles, ect.) but for the most part I am the pushover. She doesn't like the fact that I have decided she is now ready to support herself at another level. She can buy her own clothes, shoes, ect. We will pay for college but it is up to her to start pitching in more financially. We did stop paying for gas when she finished her high school classes - no more school - no need for gas from parents to get you there. She has taken everything we have given her for granted so now she has to learn the hard way how precious those gifts were. Whenever she is stressed, she finds a way to blame me, always has. She has signed up for 4 on-line classes and has only one assignment left from this week. She signed up on Tuesday following a placement test that she had to set up and spent about $7.50 at the library printing out her sylabises (? spelling) on Wednesday. She had to deal with college staff not returning her calls but I told her that she had 5 months to get this done and because she waited until the last day of registration (last Friday) to do anything, I could not help her. The phones would be just as busy for me and know one would call me back either. She needs to learn not to procrastinate - she is so lucky to get in at this late date. The college assigned an advisor which she didn't think she could talk to until after she was enrolled. I told her to ask the advisor what to do since she will not listen to me and that if the college assigned this person already, this person can advise on how to get enrolled. So she called the advisor and followed that person's instructions. (I proved to be right once again and that fries her) She also had to get her transcript from a private school that is closed on Fridays and closed this week. She called the school's secretary at home who was kind enough to go in and take care of it last Friday (Thank goodness for small private schools with awesome staff who really do care about the kids - I will thank her on Tuesday when I sign difficult child up for tutoing). The on-line person also assisted her on getting books which were set aside for me to pay for. One book was not in the book store so easy child spent time with her advisor to order it on line and just called me for the credit card number when it was time to pay. So, she is very capable of handling life. She would just rather someone handle it for her and sees me as the one preventing anyone from catering to her. I think she spends too much time solving her friend's problems that she wants me to solve hers. She needs to walk away from these "friends" and focus on her own self right now. That is why I wish she would go off to college - some kids need to get out of town to start new. She is going to be an awesome adult once she recognizes her own abilities and can cut her home town ties. I am so happy she hasn't mentioned a certain friend lately and outside of her godchild and her other babysitting job, she is focusing on school. She was 6 when difficult child was born and was very jealous of what she perceived as the spotlight being moved from her to him which also was not true. He was a quiet easy baby making it even easier to continue to stay as active as I could be in her life - making sure we had mom/daughter time, taking her to voice lessons, girl scouts, concerts, etc. She did not get pushed to the back burner when brother came along but I guess she can't handle any attention he did get because it was given to him and not her. Very selfish! And as much as I tried to find ways for the two of them to bond, it is difficult with the 6 year difference and it never happened. difficult child adores easy child but is tired of her rudeness. We were both floored when she offered to take him swimming not to long ago. There is hope yet! Not many people outside the home have seen her true colors. She really is a great person who just happens to use me as the focus of getting rid of anger, stress, whatever. It is like she takes all her negativeness and throws it away using me as her garbage can. Like when our difficult children have held it together to be good all day and then meltdown when they walk into the house? I am her melting pot. People always comment to me how mature she is and how she can learn and handle job duties well. If you met her, you wouldn't have a clue that she behaves like this at home. She is just resisting in taking on grown up responsibilities. I don't get it, when I was her age, I actually looked forward to showing myself that I could live on my own and meet my own responsibilities. I think she is just scared to take that next step - afraid of failure. One day last weekend, she was home alone overnight - I told husband that by the sound of her voice, I don't think she liked it and he agreed. She doesn't like to come home at night to an empty house. I know she will not fail but she feels that she has to prepare me to be at fault if anything does happen. I am her safety net in her eyes. If I truly didn't feel she could handle it, I wouldn't be pushing for her to grow up. Then I remind myself that she is a young graduate - just turned 18 in July so in order to be where the other graduates are, she does need another six months to a year to mature - most kids are 18 before they graduate. So for rambling - thank you for reading - I hope it makes sense - my people person will make it, just needs more time to mature (I hope!). 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