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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 638345" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So then, I read the other posts.</p><p></p><p>When I read the one about the way your difficult child talks to you, JKF? </p><p></p><p>I wondered whether your difficult child and mine didn't somehow switch places.</p><p></p><p>Those are the exact kinds of things difficult child son has to say, to me. And I think that the truth of the matter is that if our sons stopped blaming anyone who will listen for where their lives have taken them and began taking responsibility themselves, they could turn everything around pretty quickly.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think about when I tell difficult child son to stand up like the man we raised him to be and etc.</p><p></p><p>He doesn't like hearing that any better than he likes hearing "no" regarding money and living arrangements...but for the most part, I am feeling fine about those things these days.</p><p></p><p>The names he comes up with for me shock me, but it is what it is, I guess. I think when I am free of that part, I will get it that the onus for calling your own mom bad names is on the (fully grown adult male) who does it.</p><p></p><p>It must have been impossibly hard to know your son was right there near your house. Did you feel guilty about that, or angry at the blatant manipulation of what difficult child did?</p><p></p><p>In a way, that was a gift to you.</p><p></p><p>Now you know how you feel, and you will be prepared if and when difficult child ups the ante.</p><p></p><p>You have really been tested JKF.</p><p></p><p>It seems that the power structure between yourself and difficult child son has shifted, that you have reclaimed the moral high ground of your own heart.</p><p></p><p>Remember when we were posting about the cold and the broken halleluiah...that is what I meant.</p><p></p><p>We look around and understand that where we finally got to with all this is nowhere we ever wanted to be...but we have survived it, have come out the other side.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 638345, member: 17461"] So then, I read the other posts. When I read the one about the way your difficult child talks to you, JKF? I wondered whether your difficult child and mine didn't somehow switch places. Those are the exact kinds of things difficult child son has to say, to me. And I think that the truth of the matter is that if our sons stopped blaming anyone who will listen for where their lives have taken them and began taking responsibility themselves, they could turn everything around pretty quickly. That is what I think about when I tell difficult child son to stand up like the man we raised him to be and etc. He doesn't like hearing that any better than he likes hearing "no" regarding money and living arrangements...but for the most part, I am feeling fine about those things these days. The names he comes up with for me shock me, but it is what it is, I guess. I think when I am free of that part, I will get it that the onus for calling your own mom bad names is on the (fully grown adult male) who does it. It must have been impossibly hard to know your son was right there near your house. Did you feel guilty about that, or angry at the blatant manipulation of what difficult child did? In a way, that was a gift to you. Now you know how you feel, and you will be prepared if and when difficult child ups the ante. You have really been tested JKF. It seems that the power structure between yourself and difficult child son has shifted, that you have reclaimed the moral high ground of your own heart. Remember when we were posting about the cold and the broken halleluiah...that is what I meant. We look around and understand that where we finally got to with all this is nowhere we ever wanted to be...but we have survived it, have come out the other side. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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