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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638358" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What a surprise (insert sarcasm). He didn't even say, while he ranted about his horrible life, "I've tried and tried to get jobs. I went to Job Services and they helped me fill out a resume so I can work. I've gone to social services to try to get admitted to a rehab." It's all about his mental anguish, which he causes himself and his living conditions, which are likely exaggerated, and which he does nothing to change.</p><p></p><p>From what I've read, few homeless young adults freeze even in the cold. There is a street culture and there are always places to go, lots of bonfires to get warm around, and food is not a problem. They know where to go for food. Again, having been on this forum for fifteen years at least, never once have I read about a difficult child who was even treated for hypthermia. If it happened, I am thinking the mother of the adult child would have been upset enough to post about it. And, of course, maybe it did come up and I missed it. But it wasn't a topic often here. Nor has any difficult child frozen to death. They use that to scare and manipulate us if we are in cold climates.</p><p></p><p>What they tend to almost all want is a free ride, a pass on drug use and responsibility, a rescue when jail/prison come calling, to be liked when they steal from us, lie to us and even assault us both physically and verbally. They also are very jealous of the siblings who choose to be normal. No, not all our difficult children fit this, but most do.</p><p></p><p>In the United States, we are a very individualistic culture. Our kids can not make it depending on dad and mom, aunt or uncle, grandma or grandpa. Those few who are willing, mostly demand at least that their house rules be followed. Our difficult children have no idea about personal responsibility. It is always about somebody bailing them out when they break the law or just act intolerably or dangerously or both.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have dealt with this, as most of us have, JKF. I am also proud of the Warrior Mom you've become, taking care of your own needs, setting boundaries, and saying "no." Your son will not freeze or starve or even be alone in the world if he continues to choose antisocial behavior and the streets. Bad things may happen to him, but those bad things can happen while he is out in the streets amongst drug users (his friends) even if he lives with you because often our difficult children aren't home very much. And when they are not home, they make dangerous choices. That is why I would never allow a difficult child to live in my house, my castle and be able to stay out all night with no curfew and no accountability. I would worry too much. I tend to worry less when they are not living with me. When th ey do, I get so nervous I go out and hunt for them if they are out late or call the cops and go out too...it is easier to have distance, in my opinion. It brings a measure of peace-of-mind.</p><p></p><p>You deserve that very much. You've done everything a parent can possibly do to help his/her adult child and he keeps sabotaging your efforts. That sabotage is on his head, not yours. His words are just changing reality a.k.a. gaslighting.</p><p>If you can, don't read his words, at least for a while. Take a break and enjoy your life the best you can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638358, member: 1550"] What a surprise (insert sarcasm). He didn't even say, while he ranted about his horrible life, "I've tried and tried to get jobs. I went to Job Services and they helped me fill out a resume so I can work. I've gone to social services to try to get admitted to a rehab." It's all about his mental anguish, which he causes himself and his living conditions, which are likely exaggerated, and which he does nothing to change. From what I've read, few homeless young adults freeze even in the cold. There is a street culture and there are always places to go, lots of bonfires to get warm around, and food is not a problem. They know where to go for food. Again, having been on this forum for fifteen years at least, never once have I read about a difficult child who was even treated for hypthermia. If it happened, I am thinking the mother of the adult child would have been upset enough to post about it. And, of course, maybe it did come up and I missed it. But it wasn't a topic often here. Nor has any difficult child frozen to death. They use that to scare and manipulate us if we are in cold climates. What they tend to almost all want is a free ride, a pass on drug use and responsibility, a rescue when jail/prison come calling, to be liked when they steal from us, lie to us and even assault us both physically and verbally. They also are very jealous of the siblings who choose to be normal. No, not all our difficult children fit this, but most do. In the United States, we are a very individualistic culture. Our kids can not make it depending on dad and mom, aunt or uncle, grandma or grandpa. Those few who are willing, mostly demand at least that their house rules be followed. Our difficult children have no idea about personal responsibility. It is always about somebody bailing them out when they break the law or just act intolerably or dangerously or both. I am sorry you have dealt with this, as most of us have, JKF. I am also proud of the Warrior Mom you've become, taking care of your own needs, setting boundaries, and saying "no." Your son will not freeze or starve or even be alone in the world if he continues to choose antisocial behavior and the streets. Bad things may happen to him, but those bad things can happen while he is out in the streets amongst drug users (his friends) even if he lives with you because often our difficult children aren't home very much. And when they are not home, they make dangerous choices. That is why I would never allow a difficult child to live in my house, my castle and be able to stay out all night with no curfew and no accountability. I would worry too much. I tend to worry less when they are not living with me. When th ey do, I get so nervous I go out and hunt for them if they are out late or call the cops and go out too...it is easier to have distance, in my opinion. It brings a measure of peace-of-mind. You deserve that very much. You've done everything a parent can possibly do to help his/her adult child and he keeps sabotaging your efforts. That sabotage is on his head, not yours. His words are just changing reality a.k.a. gaslighting. If you can, don't read his words, at least for a while. Take a break and enjoy your life the best you can. [/QUOTE]
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