Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Little Update
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="JKF" data-source="post: 638768" data-attributes="member: 12470"><p>So I have to admit, I haven't gone 100% no contact with my son bc that's something I just can't do. I've thought long and hard about it and it's just not something I am comfortable with at this point. In spite of EVERYTHING he has done and the destruction he's caused I can't bring myself to not talk to him ever. However, I have really limited my contact and I've adapted a new policy, much like MWM, where I will talk to him as long as he's being respectful but the second he starts becoming abusive I'll end the call immediately. I definitely can live with that but no contact at all just doesn't feel right to me at this time.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, after his "lovely" text on my birthday I blocked his # for a couple of days. On Sunday I unblocked it and immediately he called me. He must have been trying to call repeatedly because it literally rang the second I unblocked him. He apologized for his rant and said he was sorry. I accepted his apology but made it clear to him that I will not allow him to speak to me that way. He said he understands but who knows how long that will last. However, I feel good about being in control of what I will allow from him. If he starts sending nasty texts I will block him for a few days. If he is nasty to me on the phone I will hang up and not take calls for a few days.</p><p></p><p>He is still refusing to go to a shelter and I need to make myself stop asking him why and lecturing him on why he needs to go. It creates tension among us. He gets angry when I ask him and I get angry when he says he's not going. One of the reasons he won't go is because of his "crew". He says they are his family and he won't leave them. I guess I have to accept that and move on. It's his choice. I can't control his choices. I can only control my own. I have to accept the fact that he has an option to go to the shelter if he decides to but I can't make him go. I will continue my boundaries of not allowing him in our home because I simply can't allow him here for safety reasons but I will stop nagging him about going to a shelter. He'll go if and when he wants to go and if he needs help calling or getting there I will help him. </p><p></p><p>There is a saying that I often repeat to myself these days: "What you allow is what will continue". Those words are so very true and as hard as it is at times to set boundaries and stay firm it's the way it has to be if he's ever going to change. It's up to him at this point to do the work he needs to do to better his life. I will help when I can but I will not enable and I will not allow abuse from him in any way, shape or form.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JKF, post: 638768, member: 12470"] So I have to admit, I haven't gone 100% no contact with my son bc that's something I just can't do. I've thought long and hard about it and it's just not something I am comfortable with at this point. In spite of EVERYTHING he has done and the destruction he's caused I can't bring myself to not talk to him ever. However, I have really limited my contact and I've adapted a new policy, much like MWM, where I will talk to him as long as he's being respectful but the second he starts becoming abusive I'll end the call immediately. I definitely can live with that but no contact at all just doesn't feel right to me at this time. Anyway, after his "lovely" text on my birthday I blocked his # for a couple of days. On Sunday I unblocked it and immediately he called me. He must have been trying to call repeatedly because it literally rang the second I unblocked him. He apologized for his rant and said he was sorry. I accepted his apology but made it clear to him that I will not allow him to speak to me that way. He said he understands but who knows how long that will last. However, I feel good about being in control of what I will allow from him. If he starts sending nasty texts I will block him for a few days. If he is nasty to me on the phone I will hang up and not take calls for a few days. He is still refusing to go to a shelter and I need to make myself stop asking him why and lecturing him on why he needs to go. It creates tension among us. He gets angry when I ask him and I get angry when he says he's not going. One of the reasons he won't go is because of his "crew". He says they are his family and he won't leave them. I guess I have to accept that and move on. It's his choice. I can't control his choices. I can only control my own. I have to accept the fact that he has an option to go to the shelter if he decides to but I can't make him go. I will continue my boundaries of not allowing him in our home because I simply can't allow him here for safety reasons but I will stop nagging him about going to a shelter. He'll go if and when he wants to go and if he needs help calling or getting there I will help him. There is a saying that I often repeat to myself these days: "What you allow is what will continue". Those words are so very true and as hard as it is at times to set boundaries and stay firm it's the way it has to be if he's ever going to change. It's up to him at this point to do the work he needs to do to better his life. I will help when I can but I will not enable and I will not allow abuse from him in any way, shape or form. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Little Update
Top