I'm sorry for the pain of it, Echo.
It was difficult to know how to respond to your posting. I could not put my finger on it, exactly.
It has to do with heroin use in your home.
I would have been so angry, Echo. For your son to have brought heroin into your home is an aggressive act of betrayal that had to have been planned ahead of time.
Yet I don't see or sense that anger, that good, cleansing anger, in your post.
Echo, you have to acknowledge the anger and the true sorrow, the true sense of loss beneath it, to heal and to stand up again.
Echo, we are here, we can hold for you, we have been where you are ourselves.
You need to touch that rage, Echo. You need to have it and taste it and name it and make it your own or it will destroy you.
The site is anonymous, Echo.
You are perfect as you are. Whatever it is you feel Echo, it is good and right and true. Anger is a good and cleansing source of strength for you Echo AND YOU NEED EVERY BIT OF STRENGTH YOU CAN ACCESS JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAYS AND THE NIGHTS ARE WORSE.
I have been where you are now, Echo. It wasn't that I didn't want anyone else to know how I felt about my own child...it was that I could not let myself know.
I am the mother. Raised as I was, I refused to acknowledge anything but positive emotion for my child. Maybe a little anger...but not what I came to feel for him, Echo.
I had to own those feelings.
You do too, Echo.
We are human, Echo. We are in something that feels like long-term torture. I am, pardon the French, p*ssed off most of the time.
There is strength there Echo, and we need to acknowledge and claim it for ourselves.
How dare your son bring heroin into your home.
Where were the younger children during this time?
Cedar
