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Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628123" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Echo, I felt so much when I was reading about difficult child calling you last night. It would have been sooooooo much easier on you if he'd been mad and cursing you. But when they are little-boy-like and just asking, well, what about THAT thing we used to do, you still want to do at least THAT.....don't you?....I think there is no way you can say, at that minute, No, I don't want to do <u><strong>anything</strong></u>. </p><p></p><p>I know I could not have said that, there is no way. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child and mine sound very similar. My difficult child rarely yells and curses me (but he does sometimes)---most of the time he is sweet. In so many ways, he is still my little boy who would run and hide behind my legs and look out when he didn't know what to do in a new situation. But, and Echo, this is still hard for me at times: He is NOT a little boy anymore, and if I continue to indulge little-boy behavior, I am doing him no favors. Oh, this stuff is so wrenching. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is reacting to your boundary still. He can't believe his mother doesn't want to hear from him at all. He does need you---my difficult child does too---that connection to their mom. Ugh. It is so so hard to do this. I am feeling the struggle inside myself right now. </p><p></p><p>Just a thought, Echo. Instead of saying anything at all in the near future, just act. Don't answer any call that you don't know the number. If it's a legit call from work or a friend, they will leave a message. Just don't answer the phone, at least for the next period of time, perhaps two weeks or something. If he wants to call SO, fine, that is their deal. </p><p></p><p>Bless you right now. I<u>t very likely will take a long time for him to accept this, Echo.</u> So write down your plan for what you will do if/when he texts, calls, comes to the door, FB messages you, stops you in the park...whatever. </p><p></p><p>And be okay when you don't execute just like you planned. That is so okay, Echo. You are asking great, nearly impossible things of yourself. You are on very new ground. Perfection is NOT the standard, Echo, just progress. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh you are. You so are. Hang in there. Write to yourself. Write to us. Find peace where you can find it right now. You have set a boundary, Echo. People don't like boundaries, especially our difficult children. One thing is certain---when we do something different with difficult child, they have to adjust, somehow, someway. That is a good thing, Echo. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs for you on this Friday. I am here with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628123, member: 17542"] Oh Echo, I felt so much when I was reading about difficult child calling you last night. It would have been sooooooo much easier on you if he'd been mad and cursing you. But when they are little-boy-like and just asking, well, what about THAT thing we used to do, you still want to do at least THAT.....don't you?....I think there is no way you can say, at that minute, No, I don't want to do [U][B]anything[/B][/U]. I know I could not have said that, there is no way. Your difficult child and mine sound very similar. My difficult child rarely yells and curses me (but he does sometimes)---most of the time he is sweet. In so many ways, he is still my little boy who would run and hide behind my legs and look out when he didn't know what to do in a new situation. But, and Echo, this is still hard for me at times: He is NOT a little boy anymore, and if I continue to indulge little-boy behavior, I am doing him no favors. Oh, this stuff is so wrenching. Your difficult child is reacting to your boundary still. He can't believe his mother doesn't want to hear from him at all. He does need you---my difficult child does too---that connection to their mom. Ugh. It is so so hard to do this. I am feeling the struggle inside myself right now. Just a thought, Echo. Instead of saying anything at all in the near future, just act. Don't answer any call that you don't know the number. If it's a legit call from work or a friend, they will leave a message. Just don't answer the phone, at least for the next period of time, perhaps two weeks or something. If he wants to call SO, fine, that is their deal. Bless you right now. I[U]t very likely will take a long time for him to accept this, Echo.[/U] So write down your plan for what you will do if/when he texts, calls, comes to the door, FB messages you, stops you in the park...whatever. And be okay when you don't execute just like you planned. That is so okay, Echo. You are asking great, nearly impossible things of yourself. You are on very new ground. Perfection is NOT the standard, Echo, just progress. Oh you are. You so are. Hang in there. Write to yourself. Write to us. Find peace where you can find it right now. You have set a boundary, Echo. People don't like boundaries, especially our difficult children. One thing is certain---when we do something different with difficult child, they have to adjust, somehow, someway. That is a good thing, Echo. Big hugs for you on this Friday. I am here with you. [/QUOTE]
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Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
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