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Parent Emeritus
Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 628152" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>I hear him trying (albeit in that strange difficult child way we know so well) to determine and respect your boundary and still maintain a relationship. You said you didn't want to SEE him so he wants to know if you still want him to CALL. In looking back at when we went no contact with my son, I remember how carefully we crafted our text to him. husband is a lawyer and he actually did the whole lawyer thing as we wrote it, looking for "loopholes."</p><p></p><p>That was after the long discussion we had about whether we could really live with not knowing how or even where he was. I remember looking at each other right before I hit "send" and husband saying with such pain in his eyes, "We both know how this is going to end."</p><p></p><p>I might be all wrong here Echo, but my take on it is that in his mind the love between you might be about the only thing that keeps him tethered at all. That is not intended as an endorsement of what to do one way or the other as far as future phone calls. Maybe facing the loss of that tether will be what he needs, maybe not. Ultimately this is about you, not him. What can you live with? Are you okay with "mm-hmm, that's nice, thanks for letting me know" kind of calls? That at least lets you know he is alive (sorry to be so blunt, but this is hard, hard stuff here) and it keeps the door open just a crack, to hopefully let a little light in. If it's too hard ( as it was for me) I'd tell him sorry and I know you don't see how my love for you can hurt me so much, but I just can't bear any contact at all with you right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 628152, member: 17720"] I hear him trying (albeit in that strange difficult child way we know so well) to determine and respect your boundary and still maintain a relationship. You said you didn't want to SEE him so he wants to know if you still want him to CALL. In looking back at when we went no contact with my son, I remember how carefully we crafted our text to him. husband is a lawyer and he actually did the whole lawyer thing as we wrote it, looking for "loopholes." That was after the long discussion we had about whether we could really live with not knowing how or even where he was. I remember looking at each other right before I hit "send" and husband saying with such pain in his eyes, "We both know how this is going to end." I might be all wrong here Echo, but my take on it is that in his mind the love between you might be about the only thing that keeps him tethered at all. That is not intended as an endorsement of what to do one way or the other as far as future phone calls. Maybe facing the loss of that tether will be what he needs, maybe not. Ultimately this is about you, not him. What can you live with? Are you okay with "mm-hmm, that's nice, thanks for letting me know" kind of calls? That at least lets you know he is alive (sorry to be so blunt, but this is hard, hard stuff here) and it keeps the door open just a crack, to hopefully let a little light in. If it's too hard ( as it was for me) I'd tell him sorry and I know you don't see how my love for you can hurt me so much, but I just can't bear any contact at all with you right now. [/QUOTE]
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Long, long journey to acceptance (swiped from a line by COM on another thread)
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