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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 607783" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Dancerat I commend you on your open mind, your willingness to listen to input that could be difficult to hear and your own ability to be quite frank. I think all of that will bode well for your own path of detachment and being able to hang tough.</p><p></p><p>I forgot to invite you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, I think it's helpful.</p><p></p><p>I hear a lot of stories here and I also have my own difficult child to deal with, so I'm pretty well versed on all the shenanigans that difficult child's come up with. My intuition is whispering that your son is different then many of our kids..........in a day he moved through stuff some of our kids take years to do. </p><p></p><p>Your son knows he is loved and he respects you, but it seems he can't quite figure out who he is. I don't know why, but I am reminded of Luke Skywalker in Star Wars and the heroes journey. </p><p></p><p>I think your plan is a good one, keep him at a distance, allow him to figure it out on his own, with some guidance from you................if he can just get some empowerment under his belt, some sense of his own inner certainty, his own worth as a young man and ability to make good choices...........he could launch out into the world well.</p><p></p><p>It sounds as if you have enabled him to some degree which can keep him stuck, but it doesn't sound excessive. Perhaps all you need to do is hold on tight, keep up the detachment, keep your heart opened and follow your instincts. </p><p></p><p>He sounds like a good kid who just got lost. I think it's tough on boys when they are essentially abandoned by their fathers, even if your husband has been a wonderful Dad, he is not your boys bio dad. It's remarkable how deep abandonment goes. It's as if he is searching for his role model to be a man. Being a caretaker to his girlfriend is a somewhat twisted view of being a hero, but it could be construed as such by someone quite young.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace in this upside down world of detachment............keep on posting, it helps. Glad you're here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 607783, member: 13542"] Dancerat I commend you on your open mind, your willingness to listen to input that could be difficult to hear and your own ability to be quite frank. I think all of that will bode well for your own path of detachment and being able to hang tough. I forgot to invite you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, I think it's helpful. I hear a lot of stories here and I also have my own difficult child to deal with, so I'm pretty well versed on all the shenanigans that difficult child's come up with. My intuition is whispering that your son is different then many of our kids..........in a day he moved through stuff some of our kids take years to do. Your son knows he is loved and he respects you, but it seems he can't quite figure out who he is. I don't know why, but I am reminded of Luke Skywalker in Star Wars and the heroes journey. I think your plan is a good one, keep him at a distance, allow him to figure it out on his own, with some guidance from you................if he can just get some empowerment under his belt, some sense of his own inner certainty, his own worth as a young man and ability to make good choices...........he could launch out into the world well. It sounds as if you have enabled him to some degree which can keep him stuck, but it doesn't sound excessive. Perhaps all you need to do is hold on tight, keep up the detachment, keep your heart opened and follow your instincts. He sounds like a good kid who just got lost. I think it's tough on boys when they are essentially abandoned by their fathers, even if your husband has been a wonderful Dad, he is not your boys bio dad. It's remarkable how deep abandonment goes. It's as if he is searching for his role model to be a man. Being a caretaker to his girlfriend is a somewhat twisted view of being a hero, but it could be construed as such by someone quite young. Wishing you peace in this upside down world of detachment............keep on posting, it helps. Glad you're here. [/QUOTE]
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