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looking for advice about medications
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 433801" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>What are you going to do when he's 14 or 15 and bigger and stronger than you (if he's not already)?</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you stopped lurking but I am going to be blunt. You have not done anyone any favors letting him push you around let alone hit you. You are going to have to take strong measures if you really want to help him. You must focus on the long term goal - to produce a functional adult - and not let yourself feel sorry for him in the present. When he turns 18 and gets out of control - the police and other adults are not going to care that he had these problems all his life. They will care about his assaulting another person and will arrest him.</p><p></p><p>You don't mention whether he is remorseful after these episodes. If he is not remorseful then I am really concerned for your safety with him.</p><p></p><p>I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist and would never dream of trying to diagnose your child via a forum post or say whether medications are appropriate. That is what doctors do.</p><p></p><p>If your son refuses to be evaluated by a psychiatrist then you are going to be faced with coming up with a plan to get him there by either negative or positive motivation (or a combo). For example, he loses all his electronics the next time he is aggressive or violent. He gets something back for the rest of the day after going to an appointment. Then you take it back until he can show that he will not be violent for 2 days.</p><p></p><p>No matter what, you must decide that there is zero tolerance for physical aggression regardless of the reason for his anger. You have to stand up to him, even if it means calling the police for help. If you don't - it will only get uglier and uglier in my experience.</p><p></p><p>And you absolutely need to be in couples or family therapy with someone who can help you figure out how you got to where you are and what you are going to do differently now.</p><p></p><p>You could try looking at Ross Greene's book The Explosive Child and see if there's anything there that is helpful to you.</p><p></p><p>I would be refusing to enroll him in ANY kind of team sports as long as he is behaving this way. If he doesn't like it then he needs to change his behavior. Believe me, even people who are extremely mentally ill, usually have some degree of control over their behavior. Maybe all they can do is isolate or retreat from other people - but they do it if they are not completely psychotic. That means there is no excuse for those behaviors once he has been taught skills to help him manage his emotions AND you have consistently enforced limits that make him use those skills.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and everyone will be glad to help you problem solve or keep your resolve when you find yourself giving in or feeling sorry for him. It will get worse before it gets better but if you will stand up to him it is almost certainly going to get better. If you don't stand up to him - I can guarantee you that it will get much worse.</p><p></p><p>Good luck</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 433801, member: 11920"] What are you going to do when he's 14 or 15 and bigger and stronger than you (if he's not already)? I'm glad you stopped lurking but I am going to be blunt. You have not done anyone any favors letting him push you around let alone hit you. You are going to have to take strong measures if you really want to help him. You must focus on the long term goal - to produce a functional adult - and not let yourself feel sorry for him in the present. When he turns 18 and gets out of control - the police and other adults are not going to care that he had these problems all his life. They will care about his assaulting another person and will arrest him. You don't mention whether he is remorseful after these episodes. If he is not remorseful then I am really concerned for your safety with him. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist and would never dream of trying to diagnose your child via a forum post or say whether medications are appropriate. That is what doctors do. If your son refuses to be evaluated by a psychiatrist then you are going to be faced with coming up with a plan to get him there by either negative or positive motivation (or a combo). For example, he loses all his electronics the next time he is aggressive or violent. He gets something back for the rest of the day after going to an appointment. Then you take it back until he can show that he will not be violent for 2 days. No matter what, you must decide that there is zero tolerance for physical aggression regardless of the reason for his anger. You have to stand up to him, even if it means calling the police for help. If you don't - it will only get uglier and uglier in my experience. And you absolutely need to be in couples or family therapy with someone who can help you figure out how you got to where you are and what you are going to do differently now. You could try looking at Ross Greene's book The Explosive Child and see if there's anything there that is helpful to you. I would be refusing to enroll him in ANY kind of team sports as long as he is behaving this way. If he doesn't like it then he needs to change his behavior. Believe me, even people who are extremely mentally ill, usually have some degree of control over their behavior. Maybe all they can do is isolate or retreat from other people - but they do it if they are not completely psychotic. That means there is no excuse for those behaviors once he has been taught skills to help him manage his emotions AND you have consistently enforced limits that make him use those skills. Keep posting and everyone will be glad to help you problem solve or keep your resolve when you find yourself giving in or feeling sorry for him. It will get worse before it gets better but if you will stand up to him it is almost certainly going to get better. If you don't stand up to him - I can guarantee you that it will get much worse. Good luck [/QUOTE]
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