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Substance Abuse
Love, healing and respect
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 561646"><p>I so agree with you and I know those poems and love them both!! I feel it is ok and reasonable for my son to know I will love him no matter what, but I also agree that I need to have boundaries and do not need to accept or take abusive behavior from him. There have been times when he has gotten abusive to me over the phone and I have calmly told him I am hanging up... or if he was in person I would walk away. It always worked best when I stayed calm and didnt react, but also didnt stay and just accept his bad behavior... and boy that would frustrate him too! LOL.</p><p></p><p>We are at a place where when we do ahve contact he is respectful to me... but we dont have all that much contact. That makes me sad and worried because I dont know what is happening and I am at that spot right now when I worry about what has happened to him.</p><p></p><p>And yet I too need to keep on living... it also doesnt do him any good for him to think or feel the rest of us have put our lives on hold... or for that matter that somehow he has ruined our lives. I think he is living with a lot of guilt of things that have happened... and I think it eats at him. I dont think it is helpful to him to pile on any more of the guilty because in the end he has to find a way to do what is right for him, whatever that is. And I need to continue to do what is right for me.</p><p></p><p>I do think you have come a long way since I first met you on this board... as have all of us. It is an inspiration to me.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 561646"] I so agree with you and I know those poems and love them both!! I feel it is ok and reasonable for my son to know I will love him no matter what, but I also agree that I need to have boundaries and do not need to accept or take abusive behavior from him. There have been times when he has gotten abusive to me over the phone and I have calmly told him I am hanging up... or if he was in person I would walk away. It always worked best when I stayed calm and didnt react, but also didnt stay and just accept his bad behavior... and boy that would frustrate him too! LOL. We are at a place where when we do ahve contact he is respectful to me... but we dont have all that much contact. That makes me sad and worried because I dont know what is happening and I am at that spot right now when I worry about what has happened to him. And yet I too need to keep on living... it also doesnt do him any good for him to think or feel the rest of us have put our lives on hold... or for that matter that somehow he has ruined our lives. I think he is living with a lot of guilt of things that have happened... and I think it eats at him. I dont think it is helpful to him to pile on any more of the guilty because in the end he has to find a way to do what is right for him, whatever that is. And I need to continue to do what is right for me. I do think you have come a long way since I first met you on this board... as have all of us. It is an inspiration to me. TL [/QUOTE]
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