Welcome, mentallyworn. You have a handful there! SO glad you came to join our group! Here you will have lots of suggestions and most of all....shoulders from those of us who have been there and done that!
First of all, if you will do a "profile" on your family, it will help us keep everyone straight. It will appear at the bottom of your posts. Click on "My Stuff" at the top of the page and it will direct you.
So sorry it's so rough at your house and at school. The very best thing you can do is get a complete evaluation outside of school, first. Then ask the school for their evaluation. That will take a little time. In the meantime, you need the book "The Explosive Child", which is often a bible for many of us on this site, though not everyone. With me, it helped to keep issues in perspective. My son is a little older now, but we've been through it all. School can make life even rougher than it was in the first place, that's for sure.
Many more members will be along soon to welcome you. We'll do all we can to help and if nothing else......we can listen!! That is worth its weight in gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!