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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 634690" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>COM....I used to think I hated...well maybe didnt like is a better term because hate is strong...my dad. My mom helped foster that feeling by her portrayal of him to me and things she said but also he was a negative person in his own right. Pretty much always was.</p><p></p><p>As I grew up and moved out on my own I learned some thing about life and about him. Number one I learned a lot about how awful my mom was. Much worse than I understood going through it as a child. Understanding can be brutal. Then I learned some things about how my father grew up and was raised.</p><p></p><p>My father was one of 8 kids in a big catholic family born during the Great Depression. His father only came home to make another kid. I am not sure what my grandfather did before but when I knew him he drove a taxi. I think I met him two or three times. My father never told me these things but I learned them from family. He had to eat butter sandwiches for lunch many times. It was a treat if he got an onion on his bread. My dad joined the military when WWII started and he lied about his age to go. He was the youngest one on his ship in the Pacific. I know some of the things he saw but not from him. </p><p></p><p>My father never learned what a father was. He knew what one wasnt. He didnt know how to tell me or express his love to me well. His way was to make damned sure I would not want for things like he did. I didnt understand that as a child. I wanted my father. I didnt understand why he wasnt there for me when I wanted him. To me that meant he didnt love me...and my mom told me it did. For my father, him working non stop meant he was providing for me. I learned years later to understand that hundred dollar bill meant "I love you". </p><p></p><p>In the end, over the last 15 years or so of his life we became very close and he was able to say the words. Oh he still wanted to show it with money but I only accepted it at certain times...xmas, birthdays. One thing i think I will miss forever is he always sent me a mother's day card telling me I was a good mom...along with a fifty dollar check...lol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 634690, member: 1514"] COM....I used to think I hated...well maybe didnt like is a better term because hate is strong...my dad. My mom helped foster that feeling by her portrayal of him to me and things she said but also he was a negative person in his own right. Pretty much always was. As I grew up and moved out on my own I learned some thing about life and about him. Number one I learned a lot about how awful my mom was. Much worse than I understood going through it as a child. Understanding can be brutal. Then I learned some things about how my father grew up and was raised. My father was one of 8 kids in a big catholic family born during the Great Depression. His father only came home to make another kid. I am not sure what my grandfather did before but when I knew him he drove a taxi. I think I met him two or three times. My father never told me these things but I learned them from family. He had to eat butter sandwiches for lunch many times. It was a treat if he got an onion on his bread. My dad joined the military when WWII started and he lied about his age to go. He was the youngest one on his ship in the Pacific. I know some of the things he saw but not from him. My father never learned what a father was. He knew what one wasnt. He didnt know how to tell me or express his love to me well. His way was to make damned sure I would not want for things like he did. I didnt understand that as a child. I wanted my father. I didnt understand why he wasnt there for me when I wanted him. To me that meant he didnt love me...and my mom told me it did. For my father, him working non stop meant he was providing for me. I learned years later to understand that hundred dollar bill meant "I love you". In the end, over the last 15 years or so of his life we became very close and he was able to say the words. Oh he still wanted to show it with money but I only accepted it at certain times...xmas, birthdays. One thing i think I will miss forever is he always sent me a mother's day card telling me I was a good mom...along with a fifty dollar check...lol. [/QUOTE]
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