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General Parenting
Lying & Constantly making wrong choices
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 379921" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>This kind of stuff is more common than one might think. My son also started with things like this and he got worse. Of course, I wzas upset when it started too but then I found out that almost all the boys in his age group and in this neighborhood were "experiementing" with both matches and smoking. While that still isn't acceptable or a good thing, looking back on it I think the bigger concern is when a kid doesn't stop at a small experiment and keeps getting involved by doing more and bigger things. I grounded my son, he got into trouble legally and at school, etc, but now I'm not so sure how much control we really have over it. I battle that- sometimes I blame myself because I didn't know or do something more to stop him from getting worse. Other times I feel like it ddidn't matter what I did or didn't do- he was bound and determined.</p><p></p><p>So I am not sure what to suggest to you. It's good that you see the warning signs and maybe if you can keep a close eye and determine if this was just one small experiment intended to "impress" a new friend or if your son is trying to do more and continuing along this path, it would help you decide how to handle it. I was aware that my son would do insane and self-destructive things to try to get or keep friends and tried hard to find a therapist that would work with him on those bad choices. But all the therapists I ever found just wanted to do the rewards/consequences approach, thinking we could punissh it out of him I guess. It didn't work. Still, you might have better luck- it might not hurt to start trying to find a therapist now who will work on a tween's bad choices in a way other than behavior mod.</p><p></p><p>Oh- we also tried medications and after 20-some different medication combos that never really made a substantial difference for any length of time, I gave up on them. Although due to the legal problems, it was a psychiatrist (psychiatrist) in Department of Juvenile Justice that actually took my son off medications. That's not to suggest that your son doesn't need them, just that many times I think they are given for the wrong diagnosis and not as helpful as we'd like them to be no matter how many times the medication or dosage is changed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 379921, member: 3699"] This kind of stuff is more common than one might think. My son also started with things like this and he got worse. Of course, I wzas upset when it started too but then I found out that almost all the boys in his age group and in this neighborhood were "experiementing" with both matches and smoking. While that still isn't acceptable or a good thing, looking back on it I think the bigger concern is when a kid doesn't stop at a small experiment and keeps getting involved by doing more and bigger things. I grounded my son, he got into trouble legally and at school, etc, but now I'm not so sure how much control we really have over it. I battle that- sometimes I blame myself because I didn't know or do something more to stop him from getting worse. Other times I feel like it ddidn't matter what I did or didn't do- he was bound and determined. So I am not sure what to suggest to you. It's good that you see the warning signs and maybe if you can keep a close eye and determine if this was just one small experiment intended to "impress" a new friend or if your son is trying to do more and continuing along this path, it would help you decide how to handle it. I was aware that my son would do insane and self-destructive things to try to get or keep friends and tried hard to find a therapist that would work with him on those bad choices. But all the therapists I ever found just wanted to do the rewards/consequences approach, thinking we could punissh it out of him I guess. It didn't work. Still, you might have better luck- it might not hurt to start trying to find a therapist now who will work on a tween's bad choices in a way other than behavior mod. Oh- we also tried medications and after 20-some different medication combos that never really made a substantial difference for any length of time, I gave up on them. Although due to the legal problems, it was a psychiatrist (psychiatrist) in Department of Juvenile Justice that actually took my son off medications. That's not to suggest that your son doesn't need them, just that many times I think they are given for the wrong diagnosis and not as helpful as we'd like them to be no matter how many times the medication or dosage is changed. [/QUOTE]
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