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Lying in Email - Probable rather than Possible
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 508883" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Back in college I had a speech prof who was really memorable. She said that MOST of our communication is done nonverbally, and that the verbal part is actually the least important part of communication. It is important, but it simply doesn't convey nearly as much meaningful information as the nonverbal stuff does. She also said that what the audience perceives is the ONLY part of the message to focus on. It matters very little what you actually say/communicate but what matters is what your audience perceives that you say.</p><p></p><p>it is one of the reasons that I LOVE gfgbro's line for when his little gir gets a splinter or some booboo: "It will feel all better when it quits hurting." This is said with sympathy but is NOT used to egg her into drama filled wails, or used to let her get away with things because she has a booboo. I just love it - and I use it. It sounds sympathetic (and is meant that way) but it doesn't sugar coat things or promise ice cream or anything. it is just what it is - sympathy and then move on. Niece, and many other people perceive it as saying something super sweet and then realize it is just a fact but HOW it is said makes it meaningful. Niece (and my kids/husband/parents/others) all perceive it as nice and sweet but also as not feeding the drama monster. </p><p></p><p>I think that people like on emails more because they are so impersonal. We have developed a nasty habit of forgetting that we are sayign thing to real people out there. Poeple say appalling, awful, nasty things that they would NEVER say in person to ANYONE. Somehow it is all okay because it is in email or online. We have to figure out a way to change this, but given the prevalence of cheating in our culture, I think the coming generation who grew up with books of cheat codes on all kinds of things is going to have a very hard time with this. VERY hard time. </p><p></p><p>A year or so ago a Sports Illustrated writer was getting a LOT of nasty comments/email from some people. Two guys were going after almost anything he wrote and just trashing it in ways that were really nasty and uncalled for. The writer took the time to find their phone numbers and actually called them. One was a college kid who lived iwth his mom and the writer asked his mom what she thought about what he wrote, and boy was Mom NOT HAPPY. The kid apologized up one side and down the other - he didn't think it would bother anyone. This kid didn't imply the writer was bad at his job, he came out and said a LOT of really nasty things about every part of the guy's life. The fact that he was replying to a real person just didn't enter his mind. The other guy had about the same reaction - totally stunned at realizing that his words (which were more foul that the kid's words and even nasiter) could bother anyone. And that he could be found - after all isn't the internet "anonymous"? Not when you sign your real name to your comments. DUH!</p><p></p><p>But I think that is a big part of the issue. We are taught cheating with computers is okay and we are not taught to realize that we are responding to real people, not some anonymous computer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 508883, member: 1233"] Back in college I had a speech prof who was really memorable. She said that MOST of our communication is done nonverbally, and that the verbal part is actually the least important part of communication. It is important, but it simply doesn't convey nearly as much meaningful information as the nonverbal stuff does. She also said that what the audience perceives is the ONLY part of the message to focus on. It matters very little what you actually say/communicate but what matters is what your audience perceives that you say. it is one of the reasons that I LOVE gfgbro's line for when his little gir gets a splinter or some booboo: "It will feel all better when it quits hurting." This is said with sympathy but is NOT used to egg her into drama filled wails, or used to let her get away with things because she has a booboo. I just love it - and I use it. It sounds sympathetic (and is meant that way) but it doesn't sugar coat things or promise ice cream or anything. it is just what it is - sympathy and then move on. Niece, and many other people perceive it as saying something super sweet and then realize it is just a fact but HOW it is said makes it meaningful. Niece (and my kids/husband/parents/others) all perceive it as nice and sweet but also as not feeding the drama monster. I think that people like on emails more because they are so impersonal. We have developed a nasty habit of forgetting that we are sayign thing to real people out there. Poeple say appalling, awful, nasty things that they would NEVER say in person to ANYONE. Somehow it is all okay because it is in email or online. We have to figure out a way to change this, but given the prevalence of cheating in our culture, I think the coming generation who grew up with books of cheat codes on all kinds of things is going to have a very hard time with this. VERY hard time. A year or so ago a Sports Illustrated writer was getting a LOT of nasty comments/email from some people. Two guys were going after almost anything he wrote and just trashing it in ways that were really nasty and uncalled for. The writer took the time to find their phone numbers and actually called them. One was a college kid who lived iwth his mom and the writer asked his mom what she thought about what he wrote, and boy was Mom NOT HAPPY. The kid apologized up one side and down the other - he didn't think it would bother anyone. This kid didn't imply the writer was bad at his job, he came out and said a LOT of really nasty things about every part of the guy's life. The fact that he was replying to a real person just didn't enter his mind. The other guy had about the same reaction - totally stunned at realizing that his words (which were more foul that the kid's words and even nasiter) could bother anyone. And that he could be found - after all isn't the internet "anonymous"? Not when you sign your real name to your comments. DUH! But I think that is a big part of the issue. We are taught cheating with computers is okay and we are not taught to realize that we are responding to real people, not some anonymous computer. [/QUOTE]
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Lying in Email - Probable rather than Possible
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