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Lying!! Or...What????
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 161683" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kate, I'm glad you've had some advice from therapist that you feel helps. I agree about not punishing any further - I think this brought its own punishment. I'm with Kate (among others) in that I think this began as something small (just practicing" which got out of hand and as things like this snowball, she must have been feelnig increasingly dreadful, wondering when the bubble would burst.</p><p></p><p>I would be talking to her about how she felt inside as the week progressed, knowing the lie was building, knowing that any attention was based on false premises. If she wants attention she needs to know she can come to you at any time and say, "I want some attention." At least it is honest. And at least she will be getting attention based on her, herself and your love for her - honest - instead of attention based on a lie.</p><p></p><p>The fact that she cried, got upset over it - she is not a happy liar. That is good.</p><p></p><p>I would talk to her calmly, talk about feelings and how to feel good inside even when bad things happen. Truth is always much more freeing, than trying to palm people off with a lie that will eventually turn round and bite you, when you least expect it.</p><p></p><p>I remember when I was her age, I read a story on the theme, "Be sure your sins will find you out."</p><p>The story was about a young girl, maybe about 8 or 9 years old, who asks her mother if she can go out to play. Her mother says it's OK, but to not go near the new house that was being built on the next block. Of course, the little girl was hoping she COULD go there, she always loved to explore the timber frame and imagine what it would be like to live there when it was finished. So she thought about it, played elsewhere for a while but found the lure of the half-built house too strong. She disobeyed her mother and went to play where she shouldn't.</p><p>She was careful to not damage anything, she knew that it would be very wrong to do so because it would cost someone money to repair it and that wouldn't be fair. But she slipped on a beam and fell through onto the ground beneath. As she got up feeling bruised, she noticed that a long splinter of wood had come off the beam and stuck in her leg. It hurt so she tried to pull it out, but it broke off short leaving a long piece still in her leg.</p><p></p><p>When she went home her leg still hurt but she didn't dare tell her mother, because then she would know she had disobeyed. So the little girl carried on like nothing was wrong. After a few days it stopped hurting and she forgot all about it. The house was completed, a family moved in, she ended up going over to visit a lot as she became friends with the new family's daughter.</p><p></p><p>The little girl grew up and was in her final year of high school when she noticed a hard lump in her leg. There were also red streaks along her leg and it hurt to walk. Her mother took her to the doctor, who puzzled over it. He said, "Did you injure this leg recently? What about in the past? Have you ever had an injury where something caused a puncture wound there?"</p><p>She had been about to say no, when suddenly the girl's memories came flooding back. She had totally forgotten about the long rough splinter from the half-built house. She told the doctor about it and he said, "OK, now we know what we need to do, I'll get treatment organised right away." And he left the room. </p><p>The girl's mother was upset that her daughter was ill, and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>"I was afraid, because I had disobeyed you. And then I forgot all about it."</p><p>The mother hugged her daughter and said, "I would have been cross but I would have made sure you got that leg seen to right away."</p><p></p><p>The story finished with this moral: Always remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes - be sure your sins will find you out.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes it takes a story as strong and visual as that, to make a point clear enough to a kid like Aly.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 161683, member: 1991"] Kate, I'm glad you've had some advice from therapist that you feel helps. I agree about not punishing any further - I think this brought its own punishment. I'm with Kate (among others) in that I think this began as something small (just practicing" which got out of hand and as things like this snowball, she must have been feelnig increasingly dreadful, wondering when the bubble would burst. I would be talking to her about how she felt inside as the week progressed, knowing the lie was building, knowing that any attention was based on false premises. If she wants attention she needs to know she can come to you at any time and say, "I want some attention." At least it is honest. And at least she will be getting attention based on her, herself and your love for her - honest - instead of attention based on a lie. The fact that she cried, got upset over it - she is not a happy liar. That is good. I would talk to her calmly, talk about feelings and how to feel good inside even when bad things happen. Truth is always much more freeing, than trying to palm people off with a lie that will eventually turn round and bite you, when you least expect it. I remember when I was her age, I read a story on the theme, "Be sure your sins will find you out." The story was about a young girl, maybe about 8 or 9 years old, who asks her mother if she can go out to play. Her mother says it's OK, but to not go near the new house that was being built on the next block. Of course, the little girl was hoping she COULD go there, she always loved to explore the timber frame and imagine what it would be like to live there when it was finished. So she thought about it, played elsewhere for a while but found the lure of the half-built house too strong. She disobeyed her mother and went to play where she shouldn't. She was careful to not damage anything, she knew that it would be very wrong to do so because it would cost someone money to repair it and that wouldn't be fair. But she slipped on a beam and fell through onto the ground beneath. As she got up feeling bruised, she noticed that a long splinter of wood had come off the beam and stuck in her leg. It hurt so she tried to pull it out, but it broke off short leaving a long piece still in her leg. When she went home her leg still hurt but she didn't dare tell her mother, because then she would know she had disobeyed. So the little girl carried on like nothing was wrong. After a few days it stopped hurting and she forgot all about it. The house was completed, a family moved in, she ended up going over to visit a lot as she became friends with the new family's daughter. The little girl grew up and was in her final year of high school when she noticed a hard lump in her leg. There were also red streaks along her leg and it hurt to walk. Her mother took her to the doctor, who puzzled over it. He said, "Did you injure this leg recently? What about in the past? Have you ever had an injury where something caused a puncture wound there?" She had been about to say no, when suddenly the girl's memories came flooding back. She had totally forgotten about the long rough splinter from the half-built house. She told the doctor about it and he said, "OK, now we know what we need to do, I'll get treatment organised right away." And he left the room. The girl's mother was upset that her daughter was ill, and said, "Why didn't you tell me?" "I was afraid, because I had disobeyed you. And then I forgot all about it." The mother hugged her daughter and said, "I would have been cross but I would have made sure you got that leg seen to right away." The story finished with this moral: Always remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes - be sure your sins will find you out. Sometimes it takes a story as strong and visual as that, to make a point clear enough to a kid like Aly. Marg [/QUOTE]
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