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Lying Stealing Adult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603050" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome paraeducator, I'm sorry you are in the situation you're in with your adult daughter. You've arrived at a place where many of us face the same issues as you are facing. Does your daughter have any diagnosis or disabilities? It's helpful for us to get a well rounded picture, that's why i'm asking, many of our kids have substance abuse issues, mental issues, emotional issues, all kinds of issues...........</p><p></p><p>Using your credit card without your permission is stealing in the eyes of the law. This is serious. She is 26, she is an adult and yet she is living like a teenager, a young teenager. Why are you allowing that? She is living in your home, you pay the bills and it appears as if she has very little responsibility. If she doesn't come up with the $25, what is the consequence? In the real world when you don't pay your bills there is a clear consequence. She has to face the results of her bad choices. You are the captain of this ship, not her, you get to make boundaries which she must adhere to. If you are in therapy, perhaps your therapist can help you draw up a plan of action for your daughter to not only pay $25 or $50 but begin to be an adult with some real responsibilities. </p><p></p><p>I would ask myself what it is that I want and need to happen here. What do I want. Not what your daughter can do or what she wants, but what you want. Once I figured that out, I would make those things the boundaries by which your daughter gets to live with you, if that is even an option in your eyes. She should be paying a substantial rent, helping with chores, paying ALL her bills and working full time. She should be out looking for her own place to live. Only you can change this unhealthy dynamic, she has a pretty easy life so there isn't any impetus for her to change. If she has credit card debt, that is her problem, not yours, she needs to work full time or have two jobs to pay her bills. You are making it so easy for her to remain a child, you are enabling her. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Detachment is the process it sounds like you need to begin to have both you and your daughter begin a more healthy relationship. </p><p></p><p>You may want to set a date for her to move out. Do some research to find out what the legal eviction process is in your state. In some states you have to go to court and formally evict someone even if that someone is your child. There is no reason why you have to support your daughter and make excuses for her bad behavior. Next time she steals from you, you could call the police. </p><p></p><p>There may be extenuating circumstances you didn't mention, however with the information you've offered, it appears as if you need to start detaching and insisting your daughter grow up and start a real life, one she pays for and is responsible for. In the absence of that, you may have a forever roommate whom you will be taking care of for the rest of your life. I wish you peace............keep posting, it really does help..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603050, member: 13542"] Welcome paraeducator, I'm sorry you are in the situation you're in with your adult daughter. You've arrived at a place where many of us face the same issues as you are facing. Does your daughter have any diagnosis or disabilities? It's helpful for us to get a well rounded picture, that's why i'm asking, many of our kids have substance abuse issues, mental issues, emotional issues, all kinds of issues........... Using your credit card without your permission is stealing in the eyes of the law. This is serious. She is 26, she is an adult and yet she is living like a teenager, a young teenager. Why are you allowing that? She is living in your home, you pay the bills and it appears as if she has very little responsibility. If she doesn't come up with the $25, what is the consequence? In the real world when you don't pay your bills there is a clear consequence. She has to face the results of her bad choices. You are the captain of this ship, not her, you get to make boundaries which she must adhere to. If you are in therapy, perhaps your therapist can help you draw up a plan of action for your daughter to not only pay $25 or $50 but begin to be an adult with some real responsibilities. I would ask myself what it is that I want and need to happen here. What do I want. Not what your daughter can do or what she wants, but what you want. Once I figured that out, I would make those things the boundaries by which your daughter gets to live with you, if that is even an option in your eyes. She should be paying a substantial rent, helping with chores, paying ALL her bills and working full time. She should be out looking for her own place to live. Only you can change this unhealthy dynamic, she has a pretty easy life so there isn't any impetus for her to change. If she has credit card debt, that is her problem, not yours, she needs to work full time or have two jobs to pay her bills. You are making it so easy for her to remain a child, you are enabling her. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Detachment is the process it sounds like you need to begin to have both you and your daughter begin a more healthy relationship. You may want to set a date for her to move out. Do some research to find out what the legal eviction process is in your state. In some states you have to go to court and formally evict someone even if that someone is your child. There is no reason why you have to support your daughter and make excuses for her bad behavior. Next time she steals from you, you could call the police. There may be extenuating circumstances you didn't mention, however with the information you've offered, it appears as if you need to start detaching and insisting your daughter grow up and start a real life, one she pays for and is responsible for. In the absence of that, you may have a forever roommate whom you will be taking care of for the rest of your life. I wish you peace............keep posting, it really does help.......... [/QUOTE]
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