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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 639987" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I am glad he called.</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking about you.</p><p></p><p>In a way, your son is making his way in the world in the way he was determined to do it. This is the way the middle of the story looks, when the kids insist on doing it their way. This is not the way you sacrificed to make possible for him, and for sure, this is not the way you thought it would look.</p><p></p><p>This is the middle of the story.</p><p></p><p>Who could ever say why the kids insist on taking these paths when the other, easier path, the path we worked so hard to make available, is right there in front of them?</p><p></p><p>I suppose we have to take what comfort we can in knowing that what is happening now is a better thing than what would be happening now if you had been forced to push difficult child out and then, have him be doing what he is doing right in your town, right in your neighborhood, right in your face. </p><p></p><p>That would pretty much guarantee that no true growth would occur for him. He would always be torturing you with what you needed to do for him, instead of picking himself up and learning self reliance.</p><p></p><p>So, given the crumminess of this, that's something positive.</p><p></p><p>He called.</p><p></p><p>He is fine.</p><p></p><p>He loves you.</p><p></p><p>He is growing.</p><p></p><p>So are you.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for the hurt of it, for the worry and the sleeplessness.</p><p> </p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Panhandling is part of the culture. They don't see it the way we see it. difficult child daughter tells this story: She was panhandling in the morning, like they all panhandle once the sun is up and the tourists are out and about. (difficult child called this her morning routine!!! THEY ALL DO IT. Then, they gather in the afternoon (after the evening meal for the homeless) and drink and eat and share what they have. The next day, they do it all again.) ***Disclaimer*** difficult child daughter played violin, took ballet classes, writes beautifully. SHE STILL DID THIS. </p><p></p><p>Here is a funny story I already told, but I will post it again. So, difficult child was talking to this older homeless lady. And the lady was commenting on how, the night before, she had looked to her left and seen a couple in a knock down, drag out.</p><p></p><p>She looked to her right, and saw the same thing.</p><p></p><p>She turned around, and there were my difficult child and the current homeless, abusive male battling away.</p><p></p><p>The old woman's take on things?</p><p></p><p>"I need a man."</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Anyway, difficult child concocted a story and asked a woman tourist for money. As the woman was preparing to give difficult child daughter money, the man she was with reached out, covered the woman's hand with his own and said, "Don't encourage the beggars, dear."</p><p></p><p>difficult child was highly incensed to have been called a beggar.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, they see it as sharing. They also share what they have with one another.</p><p></p><p>It's the strangest thing.</p><p></p><p>Holding your son in my thoughts and prayers, Albatross. I think he is going to be just fine. It's actually quite an accomplishment to travel 1,000 miles with nothing and still be keeping body and soul together and managing to post on FB.</p><p></p><p>And even, call home.</p><p></p><p>Quite the strong, determined character, your boy.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I always tell both my kids that they will take their lives just as far in the other (positive, to my way of seeing) direction, when they are ready to do that.</p><p></p><p>I think that makes it easier for them to come back, to see things that way.</p><p></p><p>And both my kids actually do come back. difficult child daughter had every single thing a person could want. Preparation for her Master's was in the air. But then, she would talk about how dull it was too, about how pointless it seemed, to go to work every day to buy stocks or furniture or gas to get to work to do it all again. difficult child son...I don't even know what to think, about him and money. </p><p></p><p>It's almost like they do it on purpose.</p><p></p><p>It's really hard to be the mom of these kinds of kids.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, these are the characteristics of the heroes of the future. You would have to be pretty brave and loving that edgy place to zip around the Universe in spaceships held together with chewing gum, saving the damsel and a mulitplicity of worlds.</p><p></p><p>It could happen.</p><p></p><p>Remember the bar scene in Star Wars?</p><p></p><p>Tell me that wasn't a passel of difficult children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 639987, member: 17461"] I am glad he called. I have been thinking about you. In a way, your son is making his way in the world in the way he was determined to do it. This is the way the middle of the story looks, when the kids insist on doing it their way. This is not the way you sacrificed to make possible for him, and for sure, this is not the way you thought it would look. This is the middle of the story. Who could ever say why the kids insist on taking these paths when the other, easier path, the path we worked so hard to make available, is right there in front of them? I suppose we have to take what comfort we can in knowing that what is happening now is a better thing than what would be happening now if you had been forced to push difficult child out and then, have him be doing what he is doing right in your town, right in your neighborhood, right in your face. That would pretty much guarantee that no true growth would occur for him. He would always be torturing you with what you needed to do for him, instead of picking himself up and learning self reliance. So, given the crumminess of this, that's something positive. He called. He is fine. He loves you. He is growing. So are you. I'm sorry for the hurt of it, for the worry and the sleeplessness. Cedar Panhandling is part of the culture. They don't see it the way we see it. difficult child daughter tells this story: She was panhandling in the morning, like they all panhandle once the sun is up and the tourists are out and about. (difficult child called this her morning routine!!! THEY ALL DO IT. Then, they gather in the afternoon (after the evening meal for the homeless) and drink and eat and share what they have. The next day, they do it all again.) ***Disclaimer*** difficult child daughter played violin, took ballet classes, writes beautifully. SHE STILL DID THIS. Here is a funny story I already told, but I will post it again. So, difficult child was talking to this older homeless lady. And the lady was commenting on how, the night before, she had looked to her left and seen a couple in a knock down, drag out. She looked to her right, and saw the same thing. She turned around, and there were my difficult child and the current homeless, abusive male battling away. The old woman's take on things? "I need a man." :O) *** Anyway, difficult child concocted a story and asked a woman tourist for money. As the woman was preparing to give difficult child daughter money, the man she was with reached out, covered the woman's hand with his own and said, "Don't encourage the beggars, dear." difficult child was highly incensed to have been called a beggar. Somehow, they see it as sharing. They also share what they have with one another. It's the strangest thing. Holding your son in my thoughts and prayers, Albatross. I think he is going to be just fine. It's actually quite an accomplishment to travel 1,000 miles with nothing and still be keeping body and soul together and managing to post on FB. And even, call home. Quite the strong, determined character, your boy. Cedar I always tell both my kids that they will take their lives just as far in the other (positive, to my way of seeing) direction, when they are ready to do that. I think that makes it easier for them to come back, to see things that way. And both my kids actually do come back. difficult child daughter had every single thing a person could want. Preparation for her Master's was in the air. But then, she would talk about how dull it was too, about how pointless it seemed, to go to work every day to buy stocks or furniture or gas to get to work to do it all again. difficult child son...I don't even know what to think, about him and money. It's almost like they do it on purpose. It's really hard to be the mom of these kinds of kids. Maybe, these are the characteristics of the heroes of the future. You would have to be pretty brave and loving that edgy place to zip around the Universe in spaceships held together with chewing gum, saving the damsel and a mulitplicity of worlds. It could happen. Remember the bar scene in Star Wars? Tell me that wasn't a passel of difficult children. [/QUOTE]
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