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Major meltdown ... I knew this would happen
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 168736" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, believe it or not this is actually good news. </p><p></p><p>First, you now have some fairly strong evidence for a number of things that can contribute to difficult child's behaviour breakdowns. Have you talked to him about it since he calmed down? Asked him about how he felt during the rage, how he felt afterwards, what he felt contributed and how a rage can be avoided? If he gets accusing during this, it's Basket B stuff; but sometimes particularly over time, the message gets through to him and HE begins to take responsibility for the rage triggers, especially if he really doesn't like either the rage, or how he feels afterwards (common descriptions of after-feelings are drained, depressed, remorseful). And for every success, or period of time without raging, it swings him the other way towards continued success. The contrast between a period of success and a brief rage, then back into control - THAT is very effective as a tool to teach them self-control. All you need to do is talk about it with him and let HIM discover the connection for himself.</p><p></p><p>He will rage again. He's just a kid. Or he will eat something he shouldn't because especially in mid-teen years, they are certain they know best and have grown out of that kid stuff. But again, if you set in place (by talking) his self-awareness, he will find out for himself.</p><p></p><p>A suggestion on the Asperger's front - maybe in a year or so, after he is stable for a while, you could get him assessed again. it's possible the gluten problems were getting in the way before so whoever assessed him couldn't see the wood for the trees.</p><p></p><p>easy child's teacher sounds like a big problem, sounds like she's blaming easy child inappropriately for her own frustrations. A teacher doesn't rewrite a curriculum for the student's entertainment and then get huffy because students fail to chuckle at all the right places; that is just plain wrong. To express it in that way is pure sarcasm, which is a very bad thing to use in a classroom especially if there is a chance of any difficult child, especially a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or ADHD kid being in there.</p><p></p><p>What SHOULD be happening for easy child, is a calm discussion of exactly where she went wrong in the exam and a plan to help her learn to get it right next time. The fact that you are there to talk about it should tell the school that easy child cares about doing well and is prepared to work at it. To attack like that - I wonder if this teacher has a chip on her shoulder and has got other parents' backs up. It's a pity, but for the teacher it's a self-fulfilling prophecy - "All the students are lazy, they won't put in the effort that I do, they are a waste of my effort and my time; their parents are only interested in bullying me into giving higher grades and I've had enough, I will stand my ground."</p><p>A teacher with this attitude will then see all students as lazy; will perceive every parental enquiry to be a parent wanting to arrange for higher grades regardless, will not see reason at all because she's had enough and has already made up her mind; any attempt to make her see reason and to at least discuss things unemotionally is often seen as you trying to control her; and so on. I suspect when easy child found that error (there were probably others, she may well have marked it harder in her zeal) the teacher felt annoyed at being shown up by a student, rather than genuinely apologetic for judging easy child so harshly.</p><p>I hope I'm wrong - it is possible that the teacher had just had three or four sessions with parents of kids who really are lazy and uncaring, and the parents were trying unfair tactics. But she still shouldn't have been so judgemental when it lost the chance to really help a student genuinely lift her game.</p><p></p><p>easy child needs to work on her essay skills by the sound of it. Tell easy child that the best revenge is success - find someone you know who understands the jargon of essay questions and who can help easy child with skills to answer more effectively. difficult child 1 was a shocker when it came to writing essays. He knew the work but couldn't sequence his thoughts into a coherent argument, let alone stay on topic or discriminate between questions asking him to "Discuss" or to "Compare and contrast". </p><p>What helped difficult child 1 was drill. His English teacher and his Ancient History teacher both drilled him in essay-writing, with sample questions over and over. He spent hours sitting with them one-on-one getting this help and discussing it all. As a result - he passed both subjects, two months after we'd been told at his previous school that he would fail. They were right - he would have failed, without that help.</p><p></p><p>If you can find a friend who is also an English teacher, or a teacher of a subject that deals with essay writing, and get them to help easy child with this either as drill or a crib sheet of the essay code words and what they mean, and to then vet sample questions easy child writes to see if she HAS answered the question - it would be one in the eye for this teacher.</p><p></p><p>Technically, easy child's teacher should be the one to do this. Would easy child be comfortable asking for this help? Or would she rather crawl over broken glass to get away from her?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 168736, member: 1991"] Terry, believe it or not this is actually good news. First, you now have some fairly strong evidence for a number of things that can contribute to difficult child's behaviour breakdowns. Have you talked to him about it since he calmed down? Asked him about how he felt during the rage, how he felt afterwards, what he felt contributed and how a rage can be avoided? If he gets accusing during this, it's Basket B stuff; but sometimes particularly over time, the message gets through to him and HE begins to take responsibility for the rage triggers, especially if he really doesn't like either the rage, or how he feels afterwards (common descriptions of after-feelings are drained, depressed, remorseful). And for every success, or period of time without raging, it swings him the other way towards continued success. The contrast between a period of success and a brief rage, then back into control - THAT is very effective as a tool to teach them self-control. All you need to do is talk about it with him and let HIM discover the connection for himself. He will rage again. He's just a kid. Or he will eat something he shouldn't because especially in mid-teen years, they are certain they know best and have grown out of that kid stuff. But again, if you set in place (by talking) his self-awareness, he will find out for himself. A suggestion on the Asperger's front - maybe in a year or so, after he is stable for a while, you could get him assessed again. it's possible the gluten problems were getting in the way before so whoever assessed him couldn't see the wood for the trees. easy child's teacher sounds like a big problem, sounds like she's blaming easy child inappropriately for her own frustrations. A teacher doesn't rewrite a curriculum for the student's entertainment and then get huffy because students fail to chuckle at all the right places; that is just plain wrong. To express it in that way is pure sarcasm, which is a very bad thing to use in a classroom especially if there is a chance of any difficult child, especially a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or ADHD kid being in there. What SHOULD be happening for easy child, is a calm discussion of exactly where she went wrong in the exam and a plan to help her learn to get it right next time. The fact that you are there to talk about it should tell the school that easy child cares about doing well and is prepared to work at it. To attack like that - I wonder if this teacher has a chip on her shoulder and has got other parents' backs up. It's a pity, but for the teacher it's a self-fulfilling prophecy - "All the students are lazy, they won't put in the effort that I do, they are a waste of my effort and my time; their parents are only interested in bullying me into giving higher grades and I've had enough, I will stand my ground." A teacher with this attitude will then see all students as lazy; will perceive every parental enquiry to be a parent wanting to arrange for higher grades regardless, will not see reason at all because she's had enough and has already made up her mind; any attempt to make her see reason and to at least discuss things unemotionally is often seen as you trying to control her; and so on. I suspect when easy child found that error (there were probably others, she may well have marked it harder in her zeal) the teacher felt annoyed at being shown up by a student, rather than genuinely apologetic for judging easy child so harshly. I hope I'm wrong - it is possible that the teacher had just had three or four sessions with parents of kids who really are lazy and uncaring, and the parents were trying unfair tactics. But she still shouldn't have been so judgemental when it lost the chance to really help a student genuinely lift her game. easy child needs to work on her essay skills by the sound of it. Tell easy child that the best revenge is success - find someone you know who understands the jargon of essay questions and who can help easy child with skills to answer more effectively. difficult child 1 was a shocker when it came to writing essays. He knew the work but couldn't sequence his thoughts into a coherent argument, let alone stay on topic or discriminate between questions asking him to "Discuss" or to "Compare and contrast". What helped difficult child 1 was drill. His English teacher and his Ancient History teacher both drilled him in essay-writing, with sample questions over and over. He spent hours sitting with them one-on-one getting this help and discussing it all. As a result - he passed both subjects, two months after we'd been told at his previous school that he would fail. They were right - he would have failed, without that help. If you can find a friend who is also an English teacher, or a teacher of a subject that deals with essay writing, and get them to help easy child with this either as drill or a crib sheet of the essay code words and what they mean, and to then vet sample questions easy child writes to see if she HAS answered the question - it would be one in the eye for this teacher. Technically, easy child's teacher should be the one to do this. Would easy child be comfortable asking for this help? Or would she rather crawl over broken glass to get away from her? Marg [/QUOTE]
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