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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622225" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Okay.</p><p></p><p>I am doing better.</p><p></p><p>What I am projecting is the guilt (and deep regret) I feel over what happened last time. At some level, my brain leaped into that place and identified those feelings with NOW. Now is a different place altogether than where difficult child was when these terrible things happened.</p><p></p><p>Though there is confusion, regret, a deep kind of rage around the issue of husband refusing to take difficult child and granddaughter in before this happened...there was also, in that time when the decision was made, a sneaking sort of relief that he did not. </p><p></p><p>I still have some work to do, there.</p><p></p><p>I would have taken difficult child and granddaughter. That would have been a whole other ball of wax, maybe. Or maybe, she would be alright, today.</p><p></p><p>In any event, as we go forward from this time, difficult child will not be in that exact place she was, again.</p><p></p><p>The area I need to work with then, is fear. </p><p></p><p>Projection.</p><p></p><p>Old resentments, present blame for husband (and for me).</p><p></p><p>So, in a way, I am processing emotional remnants. Guilt, regret, unresolved resentment over being in that position in the first place. </p><p></p><p>I see now that this is all fear. Nothing real. Real as it feels, there is nothing real, here. </p><p></p><p>A storyline. </p><p></p><p>Nothing has changed. </p><p></p><p>Expectations of safety have changed. But difficult child and granddaughter are in the safest place they could be, already. Bringing them here immediately would reinforce the fear. Living with eyes open. That is all that is required for right now.</p><p></p><p>Fear can be used to excuse so many things.</p><p></p><p>In this instance, fear of my own emotional state ~ the fear that I feel anticipating what it felt like, last time ~ might have justified arranging all of our lives around fear.</p><p></p><p>And it would have been fear of something that has already happened.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622225, member: 17461"] Okay. I am doing better. What I am projecting is the guilt (and deep regret) I feel over what happened last time. At some level, my brain leaped into that place and identified those feelings with NOW. Now is a different place altogether than where difficult child was when these terrible things happened. Though there is confusion, regret, a deep kind of rage around the issue of husband refusing to take difficult child and granddaughter in before this happened...there was also, in that time when the decision was made, a sneaking sort of relief that he did not. I still have some work to do, there. I would have taken difficult child and granddaughter. That would have been a whole other ball of wax, maybe. Or maybe, she would be alright, today. In any event, as we go forward from this time, difficult child will not be in that exact place she was, again. The area I need to work with then, is fear. Projection. Old resentments, present blame for husband (and for me). So, in a way, I am processing emotional remnants. Guilt, regret, unresolved resentment over being in that position in the first place. I see now that this is all fear. Nothing real. Real as it feels, there is nothing real, here. A storyline. Nothing has changed. Expectations of safety have changed. But difficult child and granddaughter are in the safest place they could be, already. Bringing them here immediately would reinforce the fear. Living with eyes open. That is all that is required for right now. Fear can be used to excuse so many things. In this instance, fear of my own emotional state ~ the fear that I feel anticipating what it felt like, last time ~ might have justified arranging all of our lives around fear. And it would have been fear of something that has already happened. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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