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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 622238" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Cedar,</p><p></p><p>I so feel your pain and fear and anger, all the way down into my bones.</p><p></p><p>I am going to hold your face now, so that you can't look away, you can only look at me while I tell you</p><p></p><p>You did not cause your daughter's beating. You could not have prevented it. You didn't do it. You didn't place her in danger. A million little steps lead to that..any of them could have derailed it. Maybe if you had taken her in he would have become enraged and come and beat you all, or killed you, or waited for your granddaughter outside school. If a butterfly beats its wings on the other side of the world, a hurricane forms somewhere, right? We cannot know cause and effect...ever.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child's put themselves in danger all the time, through their actions, their lack of actions, and their choices. All the time. Every day. They pick lousy companions and friends. They trust and love the wrong people. It is their nature. </p><p></p><p>Cedar, look at me. You did not hurt her. Her path, chosen by her, lead her there.</p><p></p><p>I would be mad at husband too. I"m still mad sometimes at ex (you remember he is the one who pushed military school). But husband...he made you have drinks together at 5:30! He saved your marriage. He has wisdom and insight....sometimes. He may even have been wise with the choices he made around that event...we. cannot. know. We are not given to know the other path.</p><p></p><p>So we are where we are now. and you, my good friend, are consumed with despair and rage. You have lost your center, the one you worked so hard to gain...but you know, I know you know, that the awful dark will clear a little, all but itself, even if you do nothing. But you won't do nothing, Cedar. YOu will sit with the feelings. You can hold them, in your hands, near your heart, and talk to them.</p><p></p><p>Say, hello fear. I see you. We are old friends. Come here, I will take good care of you. </p><p>Hello despair. I will care for you, you are safe here. </p><p>Hello grief. I will sit with you until you are better.</p><p></p><p>If you do that then they will kind of, I don't know...fall asleep. Lose their ability to grip you and drown you. they'll back down.</p><p></p><p>Because at heart, the grip they have on you isn't real. Your guilt and grief...they are conjured from air, from stories you have told yourself to make sense of all this awfulness. Because if it is your fault, then you could have prevented it, then you have some control, maybe you can prevent it next time.</p><p></p><p>But you know you can't Cedar, you know that isn't right.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted you are a bit better. Child wrote you wonderful thoughts and advice and encouragement. We all love you here, we know you would find the right things to say to us, to help us see better, help us understand, help us accept. I hope that you get some of that back from us tonight. </p><p></p><p>We are all here with you, standing strong with you in your hour of grief.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 622238, member: 17269"] Cedar, I so feel your pain and fear and anger, all the way down into my bones. I am going to hold your face now, so that you can't look away, you can only look at me while I tell you You did not cause your daughter's beating. You could not have prevented it. You didn't do it. You didn't place her in danger. A million little steps lead to that..any of them could have derailed it. Maybe if you had taken her in he would have become enraged and come and beat you all, or killed you, or waited for your granddaughter outside school. If a butterfly beats its wings on the other side of the world, a hurricane forms somewhere, right? We cannot know cause and effect...ever. Our difficult child's put themselves in danger all the time, through their actions, their lack of actions, and their choices. All the time. Every day. They pick lousy companions and friends. They trust and love the wrong people. It is their nature. Cedar, look at me. You did not hurt her. Her path, chosen by her, lead her there. I would be mad at husband too. I"m still mad sometimes at ex (you remember he is the one who pushed military school). But husband...he made you have drinks together at 5:30! He saved your marriage. He has wisdom and insight....sometimes. He may even have been wise with the choices he made around that event...we. cannot. know. We are not given to know the other path. So we are where we are now. and you, my good friend, are consumed with despair and rage. You have lost your center, the one you worked so hard to gain...but you know, I know you know, that the awful dark will clear a little, all but itself, even if you do nothing. But you won't do nothing, Cedar. YOu will sit with the feelings. You can hold them, in your hands, near your heart, and talk to them. Say, hello fear. I see you. We are old friends. Come here, I will take good care of you. Hello despair. I will care for you, you are safe here. Hello grief. I will sit with you until you are better. If you do that then they will kind of, I don't know...fall asleep. Lose their ability to grip you and drown you. they'll back down. Because at heart, the grip they have on you isn't real. Your guilt and grief...they are conjured from air, from stories you have told yourself to make sense of all this awfulness. Because if it is your fault, then you could have prevented it, then you have some control, maybe you can prevent it next time. But you know you can't Cedar, you know that isn't right. I am glad you posted you are a bit better. Child wrote you wonderful thoughts and advice and encouragement. We all love you here, we know you would find the right things to say to us, to help us see better, help us understand, help us accept. I hope that you get some of that back from us tonight. We are all here with you, standing strong with you in your hour of grief. Echo [/QUOTE]
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