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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 622242" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh my. Cedar, I hope when you read this tomorrow morning you feel better, that the fear has subsided and you are back in your center.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry my dear friend that this fear, this guilt has surrounded you and taken you away from yourself. </p><p></p><p>Everyone has circled you with love and compassion, <em>please</em> listen to what they are saying. </p><p></p><p>You have been hijacked by the old and familiar 'shame' that states that you have the irrational yet powerful ability to control what happens to your loved ones by your sheer force of will and when you can't control it, you must punish yourself with guilt. </p><p></p><p>Cedar, that game is over now. </p><p></p><p>You had nothing to do with what happened to your daughter. Nor did husband. Neither of you have the power to prevent bad things from happening to anyone else. Your daughter lives a lifestyle that is like my daughter's, it is dangerous, bad choices are the norm, they hang out with people who are criminals or worse..........it is almost inevitable that bad things happen. You HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. </p><p></p><p>As a fellow former member of a dysfunctional/abusive bio family, this is an opportunity to look at this for what it really is......that part of you that has always felt responsible for the kids, for your siblings, for the feelings of all of those whom you've loved.........and let it go.........let it go for good. When you can't control what happens to others, when you can't protect them, then you can experience guilt...........guilt requires punishment Cedar, PUNISHMENT. Please, do not allow this fear, this guilt to penetrate your heart..........to wound yourself on top of the old wounding that is already there from all the other times you couldn't prevent your son or your daughter or husband from doing something that would harm themselves. It's a perpetual cycle of guilt and self punishment. You punish yourself by eliminating joy, or laughter, fulfillment, abundance, prosperity.........by not allowing yourself to experience LIFE..........to live the life you deserve. </p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for what happens to your adult kids. husband saying NO and you secretly or adamantly agreeing did not cause this, nor would you agreeing to have her come to Florida have prevented it. This is your daughter's destiny, you are a bit player, she and the ex have been the main players. All you get to do is feel horrific about what happens to her. An awful and devastating place to be. Someone else makes a choice, they may suffer in that choice, but no one will suffer like you Cedar...........that terrible guilt will bring you down that road every single time. Where you were today is WAY worse then the beating your daughter took Cedar..............she was a victim of another's cruelty...........she can distance herself from him.............you are a victim of your own self cruelty............you cannot distance yourself from yourself. </p><p></p><p>You have to stop thinking this way. THAT is the reason, in my humble opinion, that this came up now.............for you to <u>see</u> it, for you to recognize that you MUST have compassion for YOU, for all you've done, for who you are, for the pain you have gone through............Oh Cedar, please, don't go any further down this road, stop, pull yourself back and tell yourself with the utmost kindness, the most compassion and empathy that you can muster........."I am not responsible for what happened to my daughter." </p><p></p><p>You are NOT responsible for what happened to your daughter.</p><p></p><p>This guilt and this fear are not real as you said. This is an old pathway. Create a new one with kindness for yourself. With compassion for yourself. With love for yourself. With tender, warm, nurturing, generous care for YOU. That will change everything.</p><p></p><p>I am pleading with you here to throw that guilt overboard........it is old stuff, it is not real, it is what you were taught to believe, by a wounded and cruel mother who needed you to take on all the responsibilities for the life she created and felt stuck in. Stop it now.</p><p></p><p>I am saying an ardent prayer for you, a prayer for you to see yourself truly, as we do here.............and to love yourself.........as we love you here................turn all of that compassion and kindness you direct at us onto yourself..........</p><p></p><p>All our wagons are surrounding you now Cedar...........we are all holding you in our cyber arms as you open your eyes to see the real you..........much love to you my friend..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 622242, member: 13542"] Oh my. Cedar, I hope when you read this tomorrow morning you feel better, that the fear has subsided and you are back in your center. I am so sorry my dear friend that this fear, this guilt has surrounded you and taken you away from yourself. Everyone has circled you with love and compassion, [I]please[/I] listen to what they are saying. You have been hijacked by the old and familiar 'shame' that states that you have the irrational yet powerful ability to control what happens to your loved ones by your sheer force of will and when you can't control it, you must punish yourself with guilt. Cedar, that game is over now. You had nothing to do with what happened to your daughter. Nor did husband. Neither of you have the power to prevent bad things from happening to anyone else. Your daughter lives a lifestyle that is like my daughter's, it is dangerous, bad choices are the norm, they hang out with people who are criminals or worse..........it is almost inevitable that bad things happen. You HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. As a fellow former member of a dysfunctional/abusive bio family, this is an opportunity to look at this for what it really is......that part of you that has always felt responsible for the kids, for your siblings, for the feelings of all of those whom you've loved.........and let it go.........let it go for good. When you can't control what happens to others, when you can't protect them, then you can experience guilt...........guilt requires punishment Cedar, PUNISHMENT. Please, do not allow this fear, this guilt to penetrate your heart..........to wound yourself on top of the old wounding that is already there from all the other times you couldn't prevent your son or your daughter or husband from doing something that would harm themselves. It's a perpetual cycle of guilt and self punishment. You punish yourself by eliminating joy, or laughter, fulfillment, abundance, prosperity.........by not allowing yourself to experience LIFE..........to live the life you deserve. You are not responsible for what happens to your adult kids. husband saying NO and you secretly or adamantly agreeing did not cause this, nor would you agreeing to have her come to Florida have prevented it. This is your daughter's destiny, you are a bit player, she and the ex have been the main players. All you get to do is feel horrific about what happens to her. An awful and devastating place to be. Someone else makes a choice, they may suffer in that choice, but no one will suffer like you Cedar...........that terrible guilt will bring you down that road every single time. Where you were today is WAY worse then the beating your daughter took Cedar..............she was a victim of another's cruelty...........she can distance herself from him.............you are a victim of your own self cruelty............you cannot distance yourself from yourself. You have to stop thinking this way. THAT is the reason, in my humble opinion, that this came up now.............for you to [U]see[/U] it, for you to recognize that you MUST have compassion for YOU, for all you've done, for who you are, for the pain you have gone through............Oh Cedar, please, don't go any further down this road, stop, pull yourself back and tell yourself with the utmost kindness, the most compassion and empathy that you can muster........."I am not responsible for what happened to my daughter." You are NOT responsible for what happened to your daughter. This guilt and this fear are not real as you said. This is an old pathway. Create a new one with kindness for yourself. With compassion for yourself. With love for yourself. With tender, warm, nurturing, generous care for YOU. That will change everything. I am pleading with you here to throw that guilt overboard........it is old stuff, it is not real, it is what you were taught to believe, by a wounded and cruel mother who needed you to take on all the responsibilities for the life she created and felt stuck in. Stop it now. I am saying an ardent prayer for you, a prayer for you to see yourself truly, as we do here.............and to love yourself.........as we love you here................turn all of that compassion and kindness you direct at us onto yourself.......... All our wagons are surrounding you now Cedar...........we are all holding you in our cyber arms as you open your eyes to see the real you..........much love to you my friend.......... [/QUOTE]
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