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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 622281" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I have a little different take of this than most. Please feel free to ignore it totally and do understand I do not write this to make you feel worse or to blame you for anything. You certainly didn't knowingly cause your daughter to be hurt, nor do you have a power to see into the future or make choices for others.</p><p></p><p>But yes, our decision and choices have consequences. Sometimes consequences are something we didn't see coming and would had made another choice if we just would have known. And when consequences of our action are horrific, we feel guilty. Even when we didn't intend those consequences or path of actions. Things happen and we have to deal.</p><p></p><p>But I do believe that guilt and regret are appropriate feelings after our choices or actions lead to something bad, even when we didn't see it coming or meant it. Trying to deny those feelings, that responsibility we have of our actions, is, to me, simply closing your eyes from the truth. Trying to take a easy way out. Trying to pacify ourselves and sugar-coat the choices we made. For me it doesn't seem healthy but the way to quiet down our conscience, rationalize what we did and not own it up. While wallowing in guilt and regret does nothing good to anyone, denying those feelings, natural consequences of making choices that turn out to cause harm, is robbing something of our own humanity and making us hard. Our capacity to be empathetic and grow as a person. </p><p></p><p>Dealing with guilt is not easy or fun. And guilt may lead us to make new mistakes. And guilt is often not a good base for making new choices. But trying to rationalize that guilt away may harm us deep into our souls. </p><p></p><p>We do often demand our difficult children to take ownership of their choices. We need to do the same. Even when our choices have turned out to have bad outcomes. And not only, or even mostly for them, but for our own good.</p><p></p><p>Just my two cents and something I try to live with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 622281, member: 14557"] I have a little different take of this than most. Please feel free to ignore it totally and do understand I do not write this to make you feel worse or to blame you for anything. You certainly didn't knowingly cause your daughter to be hurt, nor do you have a power to see into the future or make choices for others. But yes, our decision and choices have consequences. Sometimes consequences are something we didn't see coming and would had made another choice if we just would have known. And when consequences of our action are horrific, we feel guilty. Even when we didn't intend those consequences or path of actions. Things happen and we have to deal. But I do believe that guilt and regret are appropriate feelings after our choices or actions lead to something bad, even when we didn't see it coming or meant it. Trying to deny those feelings, that responsibility we have of our actions, is, to me, simply closing your eyes from the truth. Trying to take a easy way out. Trying to pacify ourselves and sugar-coat the choices we made. For me it doesn't seem healthy but the way to quiet down our conscience, rationalize what we did and not own it up. While wallowing in guilt and regret does nothing good to anyone, denying those feelings, natural consequences of making choices that turn out to cause harm, is robbing something of our own humanity and making us hard. Our capacity to be empathetic and grow as a person. Dealing with guilt is not easy or fun. And guilt may lead us to make new mistakes. And guilt is often not a good base for making new choices. But trying to rationalize that guilt away may harm us deep into our souls. We do often demand our difficult children to take ownership of their choices. We need to do the same. Even when our choices have turned out to have bad outcomes. And not only, or even mostly for them, but for our own good. Just my two cents and something I try to live with. [/QUOTE]
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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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