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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 622288" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I was thinking the same thing as InADaze, Cedar. We can not protect our grown kids all the time. We can not predict consequences that may happen. My precious Julie was raped at age eight in her best friend's house by a "friend" of the family. I had no idea anyone was going to be there and nothing had ever happened there before to her and she didn't tell me until she was fourteen...and I felt like it was all my fault too. But how could I have known this would happen? And how did I know she would feel dirty and ashamed and think it was her fault so that she didn't tell anybody even after hubby and I had sat her down many times to tell her how it is NOT A CHILD'S FAULT if an adult hurts you in any way, especially with bad touching. We thought we had planned. We were wrong. We thought she was going to a safe place and, if anyone, God help all of us, ever happened to her that she knew enough about our feelings to tell us right away. He was never arrested. She didn't know his name by the time she told us. Maybe this contributed to her drug use? She says no, but how do I know? Should I angst over this forever? She has done really well and is very strong now. Your daughter may strangely learn something from this. I believe everything happens for a reason (not expecting everyone else here to buy that, but I do).</p><p></p><p>When we adopted Psychokid he sexually abused my two younger kids. We adopted him to give a harde-to-place child who seemed to be loving and sweet and had a stellar psychiatrist report a loving home. It turned out to be a nightmare. Was this our faults for doing it? It took me especially a few years of therapy to believe it was just something that happened that I could not have guessed and I learned, in the process, that most abused kids, even in loving homes, are so afraid of their abuser that they don't tell their parents. I had felt guilty over that too, but both of my kids tell me that it wasn't me...it was HIM.He told them that if they ever told anyone at all he would burn the house down and kill us all and that he was the Devil and he meant his threat. They, at age four and six, believed that he was THAT powerful. They had seen him do some horrible, scary things. They thought HE could hurt US and that WE couldn't stop him. Our faults? You be the judge.</p><p></p><p>On another note, I believe that we, as survivors of very difficult adult children who mostly started out t hat way, take MORE than enough accountability and responsibility for our mistakes. I think we take on responsibility for things that are not even our faults. I don't think anyone here has a problem with refusing to accept responsibility...at least I can't think of anyone who does. I think we mostly need to learn not to blame ourselves for things that are either the result of our adult children's own poor choices or random acts of madness. I don't think anyone here ever passes the buck or is too easy on ourselves. I don't think there is any need to remind us to take responsibility for things we have done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 622288, member: 1550"] I was thinking the same thing as InADaze, Cedar. We can not protect our grown kids all the time. We can not predict consequences that may happen. My precious Julie was raped at age eight in her best friend's house by a "friend" of the family. I had no idea anyone was going to be there and nothing had ever happened there before to her and she didn't tell me until she was fourteen...and I felt like it was all my fault too. But how could I have known this would happen? And how did I know she would feel dirty and ashamed and think it was her fault so that she didn't tell anybody even after hubby and I had sat her down many times to tell her how it is NOT A CHILD'S FAULT if an adult hurts you in any way, especially with bad touching. We thought we had planned. We were wrong. We thought she was going to a safe place and, if anyone, God help all of us, ever happened to her that she knew enough about our feelings to tell us right away. He was never arrested. She didn't know his name by the time she told us. Maybe this contributed to her drug use? She says no, but how do I know? Should I angst over this forever? She has done really well and is very strong now. Your daughter may strangely learn something from this. I believe everything happens for a reason (not expecting everyone else here to buy that, but I do). When we adopted Psychokid he sexually abused my two younger kids. We adopted him to give a harde-to-place child who seemed to be loving and sweet and had a stellar psychiatrist report a loving home. It turned out to be a nightmare. Was this our faults for doing it? It took me especially a few years of therapy to believe it was just something that happened that I could not have guessed and I learned, in the process, that most abused kids, even in loving homes, are so afraid of their abuser that they don't tell their parents. I had felt guilty over that too, but both of my kids tell me that it wasn't me...it was HIM.He told them that if they ever told anyone at all he would burn the house down and kill us all and that he was the Devil and he meant his threat. They, at age four and six, believed that he was THAT powerful. They had seen him do some horrible, scary things. They thought HE could hurt US and that WE couldn't stop him. Our faults? You be the judge. On another note, I believe that we, as survivors of very difficult adult children who mostly started out t hat way, take MORE than enough accountability and responsibility for our mistakes. I think we take on responsibility for things that are not even our faults. I don't think anyone here has a problem with refusing to accept responsibility...at least I can't think of anyone who does. I think we mostly need to learn not to blame ourselves for things that are either the result of our adult children's own poor choices or random acts of madness. I don't think anyone here ever passes the buck or is too easy on ourselves. I don't think there is any need to remind us to take responsibility for things we have done. [/QUOTE]
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