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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622316" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ultimately, as you noted Alby, if I am to blame, then I am in control, and this won't happen, again.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This was comforting, Echo. I don't know that the other path would have been perfect. </p><p></p><p>But given what I know now...oh, given what happened!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are very wise, Echolette. </p><p></p><p>For the most part, I am getting it that difficult child kids, or addicted people of any age, are going to do what they do. They get hurt, they hurt others.</p><p></p><p>I can't BE angry at an injured difficult child or a broken man who wanted what he destroyed with all his heart.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I've been thinking so much about guilt, Strength. How much guilt there has been over the years, how much drama, how much anger.</p><p></p><p>How much helplessness.</p><p></p><p>We did talk, here on the site, about the stress dealing with these kinds of issues puts on our marriages, didn't we? Intellectually, I get it that husband was right in sticking to his guns in so many ways. </p><p></p><p>Maybe, instead of blaming husband, I should feel gratitude to husband for protecting me, for steering my life in this other, beautiful direction it has taken....</p><p></p><p>Maybe that is where this will end for me, Strength. Maybe, I am working toward acknowledging that what I posted about husband protecting me, protecting us, is true.</p><p></p><p>It must be a hard thing, to be the husband when the mother is in such pain. When you know that no matter which way you jump, the one constant is going to be pain.</p><p></p><p>Maybe that is where my husband gets the strength to be so determined about what is going to happen next around here relative to the kids.</p><p></p><p>He already knows the other way isn't going to be any better.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is true, Strength. The other piece for husband had to do with this house being the last place of refuge, the one place difficult child chaos and pain have never ruined for us. </p><p>It is a safe refuge, the one place we can go where no one knows about our kids. The one place that doesn't feel too dark, too weighted down with sadness, yet. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, Strength. Because of the severity of the beating, and because it occurred on sovereign territory, the FBI is involved. </p><p>Even they did not know, had not been notified.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Recovering.... Holy cow, Recovering. I think these observations are true.</p><p></p><p>These are things to savor. I don't think I ever connected guilt and punishment and childhood patterns of abuse and guilt and punishing myself ~ maybe in some magical way protecting us from the chaotic unpredictable patterns of the abuser?</p><p></p><p>Recovering, you are astounding.</p><p></p><p>I feel blessed beyond fortune to have seen what you see, Recovering. </p><p></p><p>But you know...you are right.</p><p></p><p>I will come back to this post again and again.</p><p></p><p>This is amazing stuff.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622316, member: 17461"] Ultimately, as you noted Alby, if I am to blame, then I am in control, and this won't happen, again. This was comforting, Echo. I don't know that the other path would have been perfect. But given what I know now...oh, given what happened! You are very wise, Echolette. For the most part, I am getting it that difficult child kids, or addicted people of any age, are going to do what they do. They get hurt, they hurt others. I can't BE angry at an injured difficult child or a broken man who wanted what he destroyed with all his heart. I've been thinking so much about guilt, Strength. How much guilt there has been over the years, how much drama, how much anger. How much helplessness. We did talk, here on the site, about the stress dealing with these kinds of issues puts on our marriages, didn't we? Intellectually, I get it that husband was right in sticking to his guns in so many ways. Maybe, instead of blaming husband, I should feel gratitude to husband for protecting me, for steering my life in this other, beautiful direction it has taken.... Maybe that is where this will end for me, Strength. Maybe, I am working toward acknowledging that what I posted about husband protecting me, protecting us, is true. It must be a hard thing, to be the husband when the mother is in such pain. When you know that no matter which way you jump, the one constant is going to be pain. Maybe that is where my husband gets the strength to be so determined about what is going to happen next around here relative to the kids. He already knows the other way isn't going to be any better. This is true, Strength. The other piece for husband had to do with this house being the last place of refuge, the one place difficult child chaos and pain have never ruined for us. It is a safe refuge, the one place we can go where no one knows about our kids. The one place that doesn't feel too dark, too weighted down with sadness, yet. Yes, Strength. Because of the severity of the beating, and because it occurred on sovereign territory, the FBI is involved. Even they did not know, had not been notified. Recovering.... Holy cow, Recovering. I think these observations are true. These are things to savor. I don't think I ever connected guilt and punishment and childhood patterns of abuse and guilt and punishing myself ~ maybe in some magical way protecting us from the chaotic unpredictable patterns of the abuser? Recovering, you are astounding. I feel blessed beyond fortune to have seen what you see, Recovering. But you know...you are right. I will come back to this post again and again. This is amazing stuff. Thank you, Recovering. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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