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Male who beat difficult child released to treatment facility...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 623085" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar, your last post here made me sad that there is so much deep pain for us in loving our children. I am so sorry for this new development in your life. I am so deeply sorry.</p><p></p><p>Here is my unsolicited advice to you my friend, from the grandmother of a teenager whose lived with me since she was 11............going on 7 years now. She will be 18 in a few days. I also raised my sister, who came to me at 11 and left at 17 for college.</p><p></p><p>Twice I made that choice.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, as much as you love your granddaughter and want the best for her, as much as you want to help, just remember that your daughter, your granddaughter's own mother, has already made the choice of where she wants her daughter to go. You would be interfering with your daughter's choice.</p><p></p><p>Equally as important to consider is this: When your granddaughter arrives in another place, there is a very good likelihood that whomever she lives with will receive her unbridled rage at what has happened to her. I have been the recipient of that rage twice now, and all the therapists we went to, told us that it was a fairly common reaction for the kids to take out their sense of abandonment, betrayal and rage on the safest character around, which would be YOU. And, let me tell you, there is nothing quite as mind bending as seeing a teenage girl staring at you through hate filled eyes and blaming you for all the misfortune in her life. I went through YEARS of therapy, police, running away, horrific fights and continual upheaval with my sister so that it effectively ruined the entire decade of my 20's. I then repeated that cycle when I was 57, it was a tad better, but 8th grade to 10th grade were pretty dicey.</p><p></p><p>SO and I are just starting to leave town without worrying about a keg party at our house because with social media, kids find out about parties in minutes and not just 20 show up, 100 show up. A friend of my granddaughter's who is also being raised by her grandparents (who always look so worn out it's not even funny) decided to have a party when the grandparents were trying to get out of town for one night. That was when the kids were in the 10th grade. It went out on FaceBook and alcohol was purchased, it all started heating up and one of the mothers saw it on FB and called the police. The grandparents were called and had to come home to their property which had been invaded by half of the High School. They have never gone away since. Their granddaughter brought weed onto the HS campus, is a 'cutter', is a bit of a wild child, has no plans after HS, you get the picture................hence the fast aging of the grandparents.............</p><p></p><p>I made those choices because I felt as if I was the only one left standing and there was no one else who could step up to the plate and help my sister and my granddaughter. In your case, <u>there is someone else,</u> the half brother. They are younger. Let them deal with it. Perhaps she can come to you for a bit in the summer or spring break, but please, give this A LOT of thought.</p><p></p><p>Of course, you have to do what feels right to you, I understand that. I am just sharing my thoughts about how it has been for me.</p><p></p><p>And, Cedar, it doesn't just end when they are 18, they are still on our radar for a long time after that. You will be in your 70's and responsible for a young woman who comes with "issues." God bless her.</p><p></p><p>I am very tired of parenting Cedar, I have been at this for decades and decades now. I want to be done. You have been at this for decades and decades too, with your own kids.............let it be done now. Let the younger ones take it on.</p><p></p><p>You and I deserve to live out the rest of our lives in peace and with our own lives being the focus. I don't have any more parenting in me. I feel like I'm crawling to home base, just trying to get around the diamond so I can make that run, but man, it's hard sometimes with a child at home at my age. You just have no idea how tired you can get until you get to be our age. I go to sports events at the HS and everyone there is half my age, their energy and vitality is fantastic, but I just don't have that youthful vitality anymore................I have enough for my own life, but I barely have enough for what a child requires..............and I'm really at the tail end now, you would be starting in what? The ninth grade? Yikes. Middle School. I want to run right out the door now for you! Middle School for teenage girls is a NIGHTMARE for the mother.........................oh my.................sorry..................I slipped into some old memories about Middle school and flipped out.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, that is my long winded appraisal of your life!!! So much easier for me to look into a window of your life and give you advice! But, Cedar, really, give this a lot of thought before you make any decisions. A lot of thought.</p><p></p><p>And, by the way, easy for your daughter to look back on all that you did and judge it and say you should have done what she is doing................what she is doing is selfish and self serving, she is not acting like a loving mother, she is acting like a party girl who wants to stay out late. Geez. My daughter left her 11 year old daughter home <u>ALONE </u>ALL NIGHT so she could party. And, then told my granddaughter never to tell ME. Good Lord.</p><p></p><p>Sending you truckloads of good thoughts and hugs my friend...............and prayers for guidance for you................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 623085, member: 13542"] Cedar, your last post here made me sad that there is so much deep pain for us in loving our children. I am so sorry for this new development in your life. I am so deeply sorry. Here is my unsolicited advice to you my friend, from the grandmother of a teenager whose lived with me since she was 11............going on 7 years now. She will be 18 in a few days. I also raised my sister, who came to me at 11 and left at 17 for college. Twice I made that choice. Cedar, as much as you love your granddaughter and want the best for her, as much as you want to help, just remember that your daughter, your granddaughter's own mother, has already made the choice of where she wants her daughter to go. You would be interfering with your daughter's choice. Equally as important to consider is this: When your granddaughter arrives in another place, there is a very good likelihood that whomever she lives with will receive her unbridled rage at what has happened to her. I have been the recipient of that rage twice now, and all the therapists we went to, told us that it was a fairly common reaction for the kids to take out their sense of abandonment, betrayal and rage on the safest character around, which would be YOU. And, let me tell you, there is nothing quite as mind bending as seeing a teenage girl staring at you through hate filled eyes and blaming you for all the misfortune in her life. I went through YEARS of therapy, police, running away, horrific fights and continual upheaval with my sister so that it effectively ruined the entire decade of my 20's. I then repeated that cycle when I was 57, it was a tad better, but 8th grade to 10th grade were pretty dicey. SO and I are just starting to leave town without worrying about a keg party at our house because with social media, kids find out about parties in minutes and not just 20 show up, 100 show up. A friend of my granddaughter's who is also being raised by her grandparents (who always look so worn out it's not even funny) decided to have a party when the grandparents were trying to get out of town for one night. That was when the kids were in the 10th grade. It went out on FaceBook and alcohol was purchased, it all started heating up and one of the mothers saw it on FB and called the police. The grandparents were called and had to come home to their property which had been invaded by half of the High School. They have never gone away since. Their granddaughter brought weed onto the HS campus, is a 'cutter', is a bit of a wild child, has no plans after HS, you get the picture................hence the fast aging of the grandparents............. I made those choices because I felt as if I was the only one left standing and there was no one else who could step up to the plate and help my sister and my granddaughter. In your case, [U]there is someone else,[/U] the half brother. They are younger. Let them deal with it. Perhaps she can come to you for a bit in the summer or spring break, but please, give this A LOT of thought. Of course, you have to do what feels right to you, I understand that. I am just sharing my thoughts about how it has been for me. And, Cedar, it doesn't just end when they are 18, they are still on our radar for a long time after that. You will be in your 70's and responsible for a young woman who comes with "issues." God bless her. I am very tired of parenting Cedar, I have been at this for decades and decades now. I want to be done. You have been at this for decades and decades too, with your own kids.............let it be done now. Let the younger ones take it on. You and I deserve to live out the rest of our lives in peace and with our own lives being the focus. I don't have any more parenting in me. I feel like I'm crawling to home base, just trying to get around the diamond so I can make that run, but man, it's hard sometimes with a child at home at my age. You just have no idea how tired you can get until you get to be our age. I go to sports events at the HS and everyone there is half my age, their energy and vitality is fantastic, but I just don't have that youthful vitality anymore................I have enough for my own life, but I barely have enough for what a child requires..............and I'm really at the tail end now, you would be starting in what? The ninth grade? Yikes. Middle School. I want to run right out the door now for you! Middle School for teenage girls is a NIGHTMARE for the mother.........................oh my.................sorry..................I slipped into some old memories about Middle school and flipped out. Anyway, that is my long winded appraisal of your life!!! So much easier for me to look into a window of your life and give you advice! But, Cedar, really, give this a lot of thought before you make any decisions. A lot of thought. And, by the way, easy for your daughter to look back on all that you did and judge it and say you should have done what she is doing................what she is doing is selfish and self serving, she is not acting like a loving mother, she is acting like a party girl who wants to stay out late. Geez. My daughter left her 11 year old daughter home [U]ALONE [/U]ALL NIGHT so she could party. And, then told my granddaughter never to tell ME. Good Lord. Sending you truckloads of good thoughts and hugs my friend...............and prayers for guidance for you................ [/QUOTE]
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