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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659117" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You can't blame them for not leaving you alone. You know your daughter. She is treating strangers, like her boyfriend's father, the same crummy way she treats you. See? It's not personal. She does it to everybody. Don't take it personally.</p><p></p><p>The reason she won't leave you alone is because you won't set a boundary and insist. If you did not answer her messages or refuse to do her bidding, she would leave you alone. That is a decision you probably will make down the road. Whether or not you really want to do it yet, I don't know. As long as you are willing to be treated like garbage then do her favors, she will do just that. She is either just mean or has a personality disorder, with no intention of getting help. You can't and won't change her. She is the only one who can and I suspect she has to both be willing to admit something is "off" and be eager to go for help and work hard to do better.</p><p></p><p>The only thing you can do is change your own reaction to her. I know with the little grandson it is hard. But she won't let you have him as much as he needs for him to escape her dysfunction and legally you can't do anything. This is probably making you sleepless, sick, and unhealthy and you can't control it. I feel so badly for her kids, but they are stuck with her and will survivie. Her older ones did. Will they have problems? Probably. But there is nothing you can do except be there when you are offered grandson and make HER bring him to YOU. I would stop chasing her around, trying to figure out where she is living. Chances are good she will scream at this boyfriend and he will leave. </p><p></p><p>I will leave you with this article and a hug. It is a "Parent Bill of Rights" regarding abusive mentally ill adult children.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.namichicago.org/documents/billofrights.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.namichicago.org/documents/billofrights.pdf</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659117, member: 1550"] You can't blame them for not leaving you alone. You know your daughter. She is treating strangers, like her boyfriend's father, the same crummy way she treats you. See? It's not personal. She does it to everybody. Don't take it personally. The reason she won't leave you alone is because you won't set a boundary and insist. If you did not answer her messages or refuse to do her bidding, she would leave you alone. That is a decision you probably will make down the road. Whether or not you really want to do it yet, I don't know. As long as you are willing to be treated like garbage then do her favors, she will do just that. She is either just mean or has a personality disorder, with no intention of getting help. You can't and won't change her. She is the only one who can and I suspect she has to both be willing to admit something is "off" and be eager to go for help and work hard to do better. The only thing you can do is change your own reaction to her. I know with the little grandson it is hard. But she won't let you have him as much as he needs for him to escape her dysfunction and legally you can't do anything. This is probably making you sleepless, sick, and unhealthy and you can't control it. I feel so badly for her kids, but they are stuck with her and will survivie. Her older ones did. Will they have problems? Probably. But there is nothing you can do except be there when you are offered grandson and make HER bring him to YOU. I would stop chasing her around, trying to figure out where she is living. Chances are good she will scream at this boyfriend and he will leave. I will leave you with this article and a hug. It is a "Parent Bill of Rights" regarding abusive mentally ill adult children. [URL]http://www.namichicago.org/documents/billofrights.pdf[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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