what everyone has said is all so true. I wanted to add that I was in a foster paretning class once and one of us said something about a child manipulating and the therapist came back with, "eveybody manipulates...it isnt just kids". And I have remembered that. Now, with some of our kiddos, it is as you all have said, excessive. I see it more as I deal with some of my kids who have reactive attachment disorders. Nancy Thomas is a great author on that subject and gives tons of great ideas on how to deal with this issue. Kids who have "needs" in thier lives tend to manipulate even more. And I am finding as those needs get met, there is less manipulating, less anxiety and more joy in the kid. Here was a great story I hard from The Post Institute (great resource) An adopted girl threw horrendous fits each night when told to shower. These parents went round and round and she came up with tons of reasons not to shower, major behavior problems. Somehow, they got to the root of the matter and the girl had been sexually abused in guess where...the shower before she was adopted. They allowed her to take baths and presto, no more problems. Now that is an extreme example and if your kid wasnt adopted, then you know all of their history so you can rule out unknown traumas. But I think kids act certain ways to fulfill a need often. One of my reactive attachment kids seems to prefer chaos. Someone explained it to me that most of us enjoy and strive for peace and feel relief from serenity...but kids with trauma can be the opposite...they have been so hyper vigilant in order to stay one step ahead and evn to survive that peace is uncomfortable to them and they create chaos if it isnt there. I said all this to say...sometimes manipulation is the symptom. But I hate it liek the rest of you guys!!!! Angela
