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Matt gave up (update)
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 309313"><p>Steely...</p><p>I noticed that you are back and forth between wanting as you say to listen and work with the group passively and totally disengage OR to be a FIGHTING "warrior" mom.</p><p></p><p>However, this black and white...all or nothing thinking isn't the best approach to a problem.</p><p></p><p>I think it stems from a lot of frustration and conflict.</p><p> </p><p>There is a middle ground. To an extent, you are supervising your son's care, so you do want to make sure that he is receiving proper care. However, your son has to do the work here. So, can you just look at it as kind of like a quick check to make sure everything is in place and if you see something obviously out of place, your role then is to speak up. You should trust that the people working with your son by and large know what they are doing. If you should see something that concerns you significantly, you are free to speak up, but unless it is a big problem, for your own good mental health...let it go. Honestly, I do think it is important to avoid extreme thinking. </p><p></p><p>Develop a plan to just listen...sort of like a check up. If a major red flag goes up...you should bring it to the attention of someone in charge. However, pick and chose your comments and always protect your emotions.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps think of yourself as more like a distant "assistant" or "supervisor" to those doing the actual work or the heavy lifting.</p><p></p><p>If you have something of importance that you have to do, something legitimate, there is nothing wrong with skipping a phone call for a week. Skip a week and catch up the following. So, in other words, take a little break...perhaps suggest that someone send you an email that week and you will reply and resume your normal phone call discussions the following week...and both parties note the date. </p><p></p><p>Also, if at all possible, I do hope that you can make a plan to see a new therapist. This is a lot on your plate...and the holidays will be here before you know it...and that tends to bring added stress, esp. when our home lives are not as we would currently have them to be. </p><p></p><p>Please have a plan for something enjoyable to do for Thanksgiving...a just in case plan. Don't fall for this trap. Drop some hints to some good folks. Check out good friends and relatives...think about what you can make (or buy) to take to friends or who you might invite to your place, etc. Or where you might travel to....buy yourself a pumpkin or a cute toy/plush turkey (follow a family tradition or do something different) and have fun ANYWAY!</p><p></p><p>Sending good thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 309313"] Steely... I noticed that you are back and forth between wanting as you say to listen and work with the group passively and totally disengage OR to be a FIGHTING "warrior" mom. However, this black and white...all or nothing thinking isn't the best approach to a problem. I think it stems from a lot of frustration and conflict. There is a middle ground. To an extent, you are supervising your son's care, so you do want to make sure that he is receiving proper care. However, your son has to do the work here. So, can you just look at it as kind of like a quick check to make sure everything is in place and if you see something obviously out of place, your role then is to speak up. You should trust that the people working with your son by and large know what they are doing. If you should see something that concerns you significantly, you are free to speak up, but unless it is a big problem, for your own good mental health...let it go. Honestly, I do think it is important to avoid extreme thinking. Develop a plan to just listen...sort of like a check up. If a major red flag goes up...you should bring it to the attention of someone in charge. However, pick and chose your comments and always protect your emotions. Perhaps think of yourself as more like a distant "assistant" or "supervisor" to those doing the actual work or the heavy lifting. If you have something of importance that you have to do, something legitimate, there is nothing wrong with skipping a phone call for a week. Skip a week and catch up the following. So, in other words, take a little break...perhaps suggest that someone send you an email that week and you will reply and resume your normal phone call discussions the following week...and both parties note the date. Also, if at all possible, I do hope that you can make a plan to see a new therapist. This is a lot on your plate...and the holidays will be here before you know it...and that tends to bring added stress, esp. when our home lives are not as we would currently have them to be. Please have a plan for something enjoyable to do for Thanksgiving...a just in case plan. Don't fall for this trap. Drop some hints to some good folks. Check out good friends and relatives...think about what you can make (or buy) to take to friends or who you might invite to your place, etc. Or where you might travel to....buy yourself a pumpkin or a cute toy/plush turkey (follow a family tradition or do something different) and have fun ANYWAY! Sending good thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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