Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Medicate behavior for school?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 549768" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Have you ever looked into therapy for attachment disorder? I had a son who spent six years in an orphanage. Spending that much time in an orphanage setting is almost a guarantee the child will suffer from some sort of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and this will impact his behavior/feeling of belonging in a family, his schooling, and his future. in my opinion before he can succeed in school and indeed in society he will have to be comfortable in his own skin.</p><p></p><p>Our first attachment disordered child was very aloof but determined to show the world he was capable. He was always brilliant...that was the first thing we were told before we decided he'd be a good fit into our house (haha...I don't know why we thought that. None of the rest of us are brilliant. But he had so much potential we wanted to get him out of his orphanage in Hong Kong). He is 33 now. We never see him anymore. He never attached, although he appeared to at the time (they are foolers). However, he did show the world he is capable and is brilliant, a millionaire (no exaggeration) and has his own family. THEY are his family to him, not us. Our second attachment disordered child came out of foster care. He was eleven and was such a mess (killed our dogs, molested our kids) he will never function well in society. They are often fairly good at acting as if they are okay, even when they are seething with rage on the inside. They need help.</p><p></p><p>Older adopted kids need to have their attachment difficulties addressed even more than learning in school. If he starts to feel better about those early years and starts to think of you as truly his family, the school performance and behavior should improve greatly. Your son is new to this country, this culture and your family, but he is still young. I'd get him help immediately and I'd do it way beyond just medication and nurturing. These kids learn early that they can't depend on anyone except themselves and being in a loving home doesn't automatically change how they feel. They are in survival mode. Often, they are very good at hiding how they really feel about their new country, their new family, everything. They have had to spend their early years taking care of their own emotional needs, being thrown from one orphanage caregiver to another, never able to bond with any.In many orphanages, they cry and cry in their little cribs and nobody picks them up until it is their turn to have their bottle propped or to be picked up for a few minutes. The kids do not get that one-on-one love from a caregiver that every baby needs and it carries over.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you can not attack this just on the school front or with medication. Kids born into unloving and chaotic situations, do not KNOW how to attach to others, even if they can play the game, and it is often, if not usually, the reason why they behave (and are) so disturbed. Has he seen a professional who understands orphanage syndrome, which my first adopted child had? We didn't know about it. I wish we had. That's why I'm telling you about it. I would hate for your precious son to walk out on you completely when he is an adult (we did not fight...he simply never spoke to us again after he married a woman from his country) or the second child we had who was so very abusive and is still a threat to society. Nobody helped us. Nobody warned us. Attachment problems are actually a serious mental illness. The kids act out because they are so disturbed. I wish I had known more about it.</p><p></p><p>I think his school behavior is a symtom of deeper problems. (((HUgs))) Been there, done that, have the T-shirt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 549768, member: 1550"] Have you ever looked into therapy for attachment disorder? I had a son who spent six years in an orphanage. Spending that much time in an orphanage setting is almost a guarantee the child will suffer from some sort of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and this will impact his behavior/feeling of belonging in a family, his schooling, and his future. in my opinion before he can succeed in school and indeed in society he will have to be comfortable in his own skin. Our first attachment disordered child was very aloof but determined to show the world he was capable. He was always brilliant...that was the first thing we were told before we decided he'd be a good fit into our house (haha...I don't know why we thought that. None of the rest of us are brilliant. But he had so much potential we wanted to get him out of his orphanage in Hong Kong). He is 33 now. We never see him anymore. He never attached, although he appeared to at the time (they are foolers). However, he did show the world he is capable and is brilliant, a millionaire (no exaggeration) and has his own family. THEY are his family to him, not us. Our second attachment disordered child came out of foster care. He was eleven and was such a mess (killed our dogs, molested our kids) he will never function well in society. They are often fairly good at acting as if they are okay, even when they are seething with rage on the inside. They need help. Older adopted kids need to have their attachment difficulties addressed even more than learning in school. If he starts to feel better about those early years and starts to think of you as truly his family, the school performance and behavior should improve greatly. Your son is new to this country, this culture and your family, but he is still young. I'd get him help immediately and I'd do it way beyond just medication and nurturing. These kids learn early that they can't depend on anyone except themselves and being in a loving home doesn't automatically change how they feel. They are in survival mode. Often, they are very good at hiding how they really feel about their new country, their new family, everything. They have had to spend their early years taking care of their own emotional needs, being thrown from one orphanage caregiver to another, never able to bond with any.In many orphanages, they cry and cry in their little cribs and nobody picks them up until it is their turn to have their bottle propped or to be picked up for a few minutes. The kids do not get that one-on-one love from a caregiver that every baby needs and it carries over. in my opinion you can not attack this just on the school front or with medication. Kids born into unloving and chaotic situations, do not KNOW how to attach to others, even if they can play the game, and it is often, if not usually, the reason why they behave (and are) so disturbed. Has he seen a professional who understands orphanage syndrome, which my first adopted child had? We didn't know about it. I wish we had. That's why I'm telling you about it. I would hate for your precious son to walk out on you completely when he is an adult (we did not fight...he simply never spoke to us again after he married a woman from his country) or the second child we had who was so very abusive and is still a threat to society. Nobody helped us. Nobody warned us. Attachment problems are actually a serious mental illness. The kids act out because they are so disturbed. I wish I had known more about it. I think his school behavior is a symtom of deeper problems. (((HUgs))) Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Medicate behavior for school?
Top