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Medication question if your child has ODD and ADHD
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 573831" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>My son is sixteen, so imagine..... I am talking from many years of puzzling through this....</p><p></p><p>I can VERY MUCH relate to these exact situations! Kids on the spectrum are not great at interactions. Having control and keeping it THEIR AGENDA is a big big reason for many conflicts. My son says the opposite of a situation or an expected response more often than not. </p><p></p><p>There are different reasons for different kids but if I had assumed that he was doing this to tick me off or just control for the sake of control or narcissism, we would probably still be back there. He can now not only not be the one to initiate a topic but can comment for at least one appropriate turn especially if it is about a concrete task he is interested in. I know the feeling of wanting to rip your hair out as we were sitting out to dinner last night in a new restaurant with my parents....</p><p></p><p>My dad got a steak. I said it looks like they did it nicely. Q said no it is awful and bloody, but was trying to make a joke (and my kid is LOUD).....just wanted in the conversation but had no clue of a nice thing to say. I gave him a look and said try to stay on topic (yes he kind of was but at this point he knows what I mean by that ) so he said I like my food too. We are at a point now where this happens mostly in anxiety situations (even if it is a fun thing)....I say have some gloves ready for horse back riding, he says it is ninety degrees and men dont get cold. </p><p></p><p>I would have (when he was little) said no, its cold, get mittens or just have done it. NOW??? I say to myself, what is his real message???? That day I knew that it was a worry that the horses would slip which is what happened last time it was icy. So I respond as if that is what he said...I do not get into the power struggle trying to correct him. That goes no where. So this time (last saturday) I just put a bag together of mittens, hat etc...and set it in the front seat. Once he got there he just calmly took the bag and I did not say a thing to even open the door for an oppositional remark. </p><p></p><p>The message under the message is a huge key for us. (may not be for you but it is a place to start, right?)</p><p></p><p>Then there is the medication issue. (this I think is why many of us go crazy.....so many factors)......by Sunday night he wouldn't let me change his clonidine patches so he started kicking off. Arguing about everything and YES!!! IT IS ALWAYS MY FAULT. Even if I was no where near. He did that when little too. If I put my hand on his back gently to guide him he would say I pushed him. He slammed his finger in a car and I was no where near....MY FAULT. His galaxy player got crashed (again in a door) and I should have told him to check his coat pocket (which got caught in the door and thus the player was smashed)....and all these things come up years later even though he can tell what really happened, when he is anxious or upset it is my fault again. And boy can he be rageful about it.</p><p></p><p>Last night his new camera lens cover got stuck and he said I had to go right then to get a new camera for him. I told him we could get it fixed. Well, if I didn't then he was going to break something of mine. ...</p><p></p><p>His ability to see cause and effect is very very concrete and even then often very limited. In a young child's world everything is controlled by parents and parents are almighty.....so it makes sense that we are the go to "at fault" person. Especially when they become overwhelmed by the event. I often try to hear a message under that of "I want mom to fix it.....I'm just so upset". </p><p></p><p>If his diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is correct and put together with the fact that he is young so naturally would be more egocentric (I prefer that to narcissistic...it is really that developmentally the world is all about them and that persists in many kids with autism) then that is a big key to working on things. I truly hope you can find a competent professional in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to help work on behaviors. It is rare that I have seen the mental health field help unless the person has experience with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and that kind of thinking. The behaviors can look the same on the outside but the treatment is often very different and happily, pretty effective if the person understands this is not a misparenting issue or a choice ...but rather that the child needs direct teaching (including social stories and very structured social skills training along with all the other things we do....Occupational Therapist (OT), s/l therapy, etc....).</p><p></p><p>IC said it very well...all those symptoms/conditions are very common in a person on the autism spectrum (Aspergers is diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in the new criteria and is under Pervasive Developmental Disorder in the old criteria.....)and that umbrella diagnosis can truly be helpful in moving forward.</p><p></p><p>I offer you hope, but admit we still have days when ...uggggg! Still, it is so so much better and he is not nearly as negative and controlling as he was just a few years ago. LOTS of therapy and slow progress though....VERY WELL WORTH IT. </p><p></p><p>You are so not alone. This is hard to live with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 573831, member: 12886"] My son is sixteen, so imagine..... I am talking from many years of puzzling through this.... I can VERY MUCH relate to these exact situations! Kids on the spectrum are not great at interactions. Having control and keeping it THEIR AGENDA is a big big reason for many conflicts. My son says the opposite of a situation or an expected response more often than not. There are different reasons for different kids but if I had assumed that he was doing this to tick me off or just control for the sake of control or narcissism, we would probably still be back there. He can now not only not be the one to initiate a topic but can comment for at least one appropriate turn especially if it is about a concrete task he is interested in. I know the feeling of wanting to rip your hair out as we were sitting out to dinner last night in a new restaurant with my parents.... My dad got a steak. I said it looks like they did it nicely. Q said no it is awful and bloody, but was trying to make a joke (and my kid is LOUD).....just wanted in the conversation but had no clue of a nice thing to say. I gave him a look and said try to stay on topic (yes he kind of was but at this point he knows what I mean by that ) so he said I like my food too. We are at a point now where this happens mostly in anxiety situations (even if it is a fun thing)....I say have some gloves ready for horse back riding, he says it is ninety degrees and men dont get cold. I would have (when he was little) said no, its cold, get mittens or just have done it. NOW??? I say to myself, what is his real message???? That day I knew that it was a worry that the horses would slip which is what happened last time it was icy. So I respond as if that is what he said...I do not get into the power struggle trying to correct him. That goes no where. So this time (last saturday) I just put a bag together of mittens, hat etc...and set it in the front seat. Once he got there he just calmly took the bag and I did not say a thing to even open the door for an oppositional remark. The message under the message is a huge key for us. (may not be for you but it is a place to start, right?) Then there is the medication issue. (this I think is why many of us go crazy.....so many factors)......by Sunday night he wouldn't let me change his clonidine patches so he started kicking off. Arguing about everything and YES!!! IT IS ALWAYS MY FAULT. Even if I was no where near. He did that when little too. If I put my hand on his back gently to guide him he would say I pushed him. He slammed his finger in a car and I was no where near....MY FAULT. His galaxy player got crashed (again in a door) and I should have told him to check his coat pocket (which got caught in the door and thus the player was smashed)....and all these things come up years later even though he can tell what really happened, when he is anxious or upset it is my fault again. And boy can he be rageful about it. Last night his new camera lens cover got stuck and he said I had to go right then to get a new camera for him. I told him we could get it fixed. Well, if I didn't then he was going to break something of mine. ... His ability to see cause and effect is very very concrete and even then often very limited. In a young child's world everything is controlled by parents and parents are almighty.....so it makes sense that we are the go to "at fault" person. Especially when they become overwhelmed by the event. I often try to hear a message under that of "I want mom to fix it.....I'm just so upset". If his diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is correct and put together with the fact that he is young so naturally would be more egocentric (I prefer that to narcissistic...it is really that developmentally the world is all about them and that persists in many kids with autism) then that is a big key to working on things. I truly hope you can find a competent professional in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to help work on behaviors. It is rare that I have seen the mental health field help unless the person has experience with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and that kind of thinking. The behaviors can look the same on the outside but the treatment is often very different and happily, pretty effective if the person understands this is not a misparenting issue or a choice ...but rather that the child needs direct teaching (including social stories and very structured social skills training along with all the other things we do....Occupational Therapist (OT), s/l therapy, etc....). IC said it very well...all those symptoms/conditions are very common in a person on the autism spectrum (Aspergers is diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in the new criteria and is under Pervasive Developmental Disorder in the old criteria.....)and that umbrella diagnosis can truly be helpful in moving forward. I offer you hope, but admit we still have days when ...uggggg! Still, it is so so much better and he is not nearly as negative and controlling as he was just a few years ago. LOTS of therapy and slow progress though....VERY WELL WORTH IT. You are so not alone. This is hard to live with. [/QUOTE]
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