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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 727840" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Our love for our children is constant and never ending. It does not mean we allow them to "play" us. I had a conversation with a nephew about my two. They are out there somewhere, living their lives as they choose. Adults, not adulting very well at all, in my opinion. I tried, and tried, and tried to "help" them. It didn't work, for them, or me. He said "You could build a house in the back for them." To which I said, "No that doesn't work." He made a comment about how my late husband would do it, "Because he <em><strong>loved</strong></em> them." Huh. Well, I love them too, but I will not allow that love to blind me to the obvious, that they would eat me up and spit me out, <em>if I let them</em>.</p><p>Unfortunately, for those two, if I allow them to play me, they will.</p><p>I believe there is a way to still love someone and not give away our heart and soul, home and finances, to the point of exhaustion, frustration and despair.</p><p>Manipulation and gaslighting is not love. Somehow, our adult children have a feeling of entitlement, and I believe it is up to us to see this. To give what we are able to, from an open heart, without feeling taken advantage of and used. I have to ask myself "Would you allow a stranger to treat you this way?"</p><p>Our adult children have to learn to stand on their own two feet. We will not be around forever to rescue them. It doesn't mean we have to coldly cut them off, but this is also on a sliding scale, I believe. Meaning, if the same ole, same ole keeps happening, for our own sanity, we have to do something about it. Because, they won't. It is hard and sad. I wouldn't treat my parents this way. I love and respect them. I wouldn't want to live with them, and wouldn't want them to have to finance my life, either.</p><p>I am sorry Newstart for all of your troubles with your daughter. You have given her every opportunity to step to the plate. One of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou is this</p><p>"When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time."</p><p><img src="http://m/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/quote-about-trust-dr-maya-angelou-quote-277617.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p>I agree, wholeheartedly. You matter, your life and relationship with your husband matters, your finances matter.</p><p>Another quote that helped me pull away from the insanity is</p><p>"What you allow, will continue."</p><p></p><p>It is not easy to take steps to change our thinking and actions. I believe the kindest, most loving thing you can do for your daughter, is to not allow her to take advantage of you. Life is full of lessons for all of us. Let her learn to stand on her own two feet.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you.</p><p>Take care of yourself and find your peace.</p><p>I have learned that I have to find my peace, no matter what course my adult children are on.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 727840, member: 19522"] Our love for our children is constant and never ending. It does not mean we allow them to "play" us. I had a conversation with a nephew about my two. They are out there somewhere, living their lives as they choose. Adults, not adulting very well at all, in my opinion. I tried, and tried, and tried to "help" them. It didn't work, for them, or me. He said "You could build a house in the back for them." To which I said, "No that doesn't work." He made a comment about how my late husband would do it, "Because he [I][B]loved[/B][/I] them." Huh. Well, I love them too, but I will not allow that love to blind me to the obvious, that they would eat me up and spit me out, [I]if I let them[/I]. Unfortunately, for those two, if I allow them to play me, they will. I believe there is a way to still love someone and not give away our heart and soul, home and finances, to the point of exhaustion, frustration and despair. Manipulation and gaslighting is not love. Somehow, our adult children have a feeling of entitlement, and I believe it is up to us to see this. To give what we are able to, from an open heart, without feeling taken advantage of and used. I have to ask myself "Would you allow a stranger to treat you this way?" Our adult children have to learn to stand on their own two feet. We will not be around forever to rescue them. It doesn't mean we have to coldly cut them off, but this is also on a sliding scale, I believe. Meaning, if the same ole, same ole keeps happening, for our own sanity, we have to do something about it. Because, they won't. It is hard and sad. I wouldn't treat my parents this way. I love and respect them. I wouldn't want to live with them, and wouldn't want them to have to finance my life, either. I am sorry Newstart for all of your troubles with your daughter. You have given her every opportunity to step to the plate. One of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou is this "When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time." [IMG]http://m/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/quote-about-trust-dr-maya-angelou-quote-277617.jpg[/IMG] I agree, wholeheartedly. You matter, your life and relationship with your husband matters, your finances matter. Another quote that helped me pull away from the insanity is "What you allow, will continue." It is not easy to take steps to change our thinking and actions. I believe the kindest, most loving thing you can do for your daughter, is to not allow her to take advantage of you. Life is full of lessons for all of us. Let her learn to stand on her own two feet. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and find your peace. I have learned that I have to find my peace, no matter what course my adult children are on. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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