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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 728127" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>My therapist told me about "emotional Dysregulation disorder" which is a symptom of borderline behavior. She said it sounded as if my daughter suffered from this. She told me that my daughter likely has no ability to "self validate." That made a lot of sense to me. I decided to <em>validate my daughter's feelings but not validate the behavior.</em> That distinction made a significant difference. </p><p></p><p>I always felt that my daughter was wanting something from me which I couldn't provide when I was steeped in my enabling of her because I was guarding myself. Plus the anger, resentment and sorrow was always present. Without the negative feelings now, I can be present with her in a different way, validating her feelings. I believe she can now feel my presence and my validation of her, without my rescuing her. It seems as if the love flows freely now.</p><p></p><p>It takes time to unravel it all. Healthy, <em>unbreakable, strict</em> boundaries are essential. Accepting what we can't change is essential. Putting ourselves as the priority and taking care of ourselves first is essential. Letting go of what we think it should look like is essential.....it is what it is....sigh......</p><p></p><p>Hang in there newstart and tired mama, you're both doing a wonderful job under awful conditions.....be kind to yourselves.....it WILL shift....stay the course.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 728127, member: 13542"] My therapist told me about "emotional Dysregulation disorder" which is a symptom of borderline behavior. She said it sounded as if my daughter suffered from this. She told me that my daughter likely has no ability to "self validate." That made a lot of sense to me. I decided to [I]validate my daughter's feelings but not validate the behavior.[/I] That distinction made a significant difference. I always felt that my daughter was wanting something from me which I couldn't provide when I was steeped in my enabling of her because I was guarding myself. Plus the anger, resentment and sorrow was always present. Without the negative feelings now, I can be present with her in a different way, validating her feelings. I believe she can now feel my presence and my validation of her, without my rescuing her. It seems as if the love flows freely now. It takes time to unravel it all. Healthy, [I]unbreakable, strict[/I] boundaries are essential. Accepting what we can't change is essential. Putting ourselves as the priority and taking care of ourselves first is essential. Letting go of what we think it should look like is essential.....it is what it is....sigh...... Hang in there newstart and tired mama, you're both doing a wonderful job under awful conditions.....be kind to yourselves.....it WILL shift....stay the course..... [/QUOTE]
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