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Merry blinking Christmas...
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 225557" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Oh, beleive me, expectations have flown out the window.</p><p>***</p><p>Wee difficult child used to flip out about putting the tree up. So, now, AS SOON as the tree farm guys put up their sign, before difficult child even sees it, we go get the tree and put it up. He obsessed over gifts under the tree, so we don't put any under the tree until a few minutes before we open them. He flips out when he hears Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, because it mentions "naughty and nice", so we go to great lengths to re-record Christmas cd's that DON'T include that song, switch radio stations when it comes on the air, etc. When random strangers ask if he's been a good boy so Santa will visit, we all jump in front of him and field the question. And we've learned that he needs plenty to do on Christmas day to keep the focus off of "what comes next", so Santa brings make and do things instead of what he asks for. We used to open up one gift on Christmas Eve, but now we can't even acknowledge that it IS Christmas eve, or the fretting begins.</p><p>***</p><p>The "yearly" issues we were down to this year were Christmas at my mom's, and Two Brooms' Christmas in the middle of our easy child time, which either meant we opened gifts and pulled him away from his new things, or kept his grumpy behind awake (or tried) to open gifts afterwards. So my big plan was to have our gift opening on this other random day. And while that idea worked to solve that particular problem, in true difficult child form, he threw 3 more curve balls at me that day and we spent no less than 5 hours in total meltdown mode.</p><p>***</p><p>Lessons learned here are to get the mail when difficult child is not with me and never think I've got it covered.</p><p>***</p><p>So now, for this year, we're down to the challenge of Christmas at my mom's. We go to her house and stay for a few days every year, and I refuse to give that up. Last year, he was stuck on the gifts, but this year's tirade at home was 10 times worse, so...the planning committee is meeting - what can we do to alleviate this one. I'm considering sending gifts to my mom's to have under her tree when we get there. One for each of the younger children that will be there, then we can open them as soon as he arrives, and hopefully, he'd think that was it, it was over. And be sure to put a note on the door that explaining what we're doing. Not sure it will work, tho - still planning/brainstorming. Also might take the horses...</p><p>***</p><p>Knowing difficult child's family history is often a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I know there is more to it than poor parenting - he is a cookie cutter of his dad - so I know its not just me or something I did wrong; there is a genetic component at play here, and having that link helps get the attention of some in the medical community. On the other hand, tho, my ex-mother in law is a wonderful woman and a womderful mother. She was a school counselor and teacher for years and SO MANY members of our community contribute portions of their success to her. Two of her children aren't just successful members of the community, they are people one would consider pillars of the community. And then there's DEX, her oldest son. Who lives in the barn behind her house, who can't hold a job, and would be in prison facing 20 years right now if they hadn't sprung for his $50k lawyer. And I think "if she couldn't "fix" him, what hope do I have?" On the one hand, knowledge is power; on the other, with the mental health field so "new", well, it often appears the deck is stacked against us. Its a blessing and a curse and a controversy my brain struggles with every day.</p><p>***</p><p>I'm rambling. I'll shut up now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 225557, member: 1848"] Oh, beleive me, expectations have flown out the window. *** Wee difficult child used to flip out about putting the tree up. So, now, AS SOON as the tree farm guys put up their sign, before difficult child even sees it, we go get the tree and put it up. He obsessed over gifts under the tree, so we don't put any under the tree until a few minutes before we open them. He flips out when he hears Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, because it mentions "naughty and nice", so we go to great lengths to re-record Christmas cd's that DON'T include that song, switch radio stations when it comes on the air, etc. When random strangers ask if he's been a good boy so Santa will visit, we all jump in front of him and field the question. And we've learned that he needs plenty to do on Christmas day to keep the focus off of "what comes next", so Santa brings make and do things instead of what he asks for. We used to open up one gift on Christmas Eve, but now we can't even acknowledge that it IS Christmas eve, or the fretting begins. *** The "yearly" issues we were down to this year were Christmas at my mom's, and Two Brooms' Christmas in the middle of our easy child time, which either meant we opened gifts and pulled him away from his new things, or kept his grumpy behind awake (or tried) to open gifts afterwards. So my big plan was to have our gift opening on this other random day. And while that idea worked to solve that particular problem, in true difficult child form, he threw 3 more curve balls at me that day and we spent no less than 5 hours in total meltdown mode. *** Lessons learned here are to get the mail when difficult child is not with me and never think I've got it covered. *** So now, for this year, we're down to the challenge of Christmas at my mom's. We go to her house and stay for a few days every year, and I refuse to give that up. Last year, he was stuck on the gifts, but this year's tirade at home was 10 times worse, so...the planning committee is meeting - what can we do to alleviate this one. I'm considering sending gifts to my mom's to have under her tree when we get there. One for each of the younger children that will be there, then we can open them as soon as he arrives, and hopefully, he'd think that was it, it was over. And be sure to put a note on the door that explaining what we're doing. Not sure it will work, tho - still planning/brainstorming. Also might take the horses... *** Knowing difficult child's family history is often a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I know there is more to it than poor parenting - he is a cookie cutter of his dad - so I know its not just me or something I did wrong; there is a genetic component at play here, and having that link helps get the attention of some in the medical community. On the other hand, tho, my ex-mother in law is a wonderful woman and a womderful mother. She was a school counselor and teacher for years and SO MANY members of our community contribute portions of their success to her. Two of her children aren't just successful members of the community, they are people one would consider pillars of the community. And then there's DEX, her oldest son. Who lives in the barn behind her house, who can't hold a job, and would be in prison facing 20 years right now if they hadn't sprung for his $50k lawyer. And I think "if she couldn't "fix" him, what hope do I have?" On the one hand, knowledge is power; on the other, with the mental health field so "new", well, it often appears the deck is stacked against us. Its a blessing and a curse and a controversy my brain struggles with every day. *** I'm rambling. I'll shut up now. [/QUOTE]
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