Hi MommaT,
Wow. That is quite the message.
How I relate to the “jump in and help” reaction. I will tell you what happened to me when Tornado did her first rehab stint. I jumped in. She would make requests for clothes, toiletries, cigarettes. I would visit. I didn’t see that I got right back on the attachment, enabling train and she took full advantage of that. It’s a learning curve. Relapse is common. When she abruptly left rehab, I broke down and sobbed. Now, after several attempts and relapses, I try to sit with those feelings of rescue mode and over involvement, and am resolved to be cautiously optimistic, rather than going all in with my heart. Turns out, if she wants to work at sobriety there are many agencies that will help her. I hope the same is true where your son is at and he will avail himself of the help there is. I think exercising detachment is crucial for us and our wayward adult children. It doesn’t mean we ignore them, just that we are not so vested in an outcome that if it doesn’t happen, we are back to square one. ( Note to self)
My daughter has never fully apologized for the harm done due to her drug use. She has not reached that stage. I thought that it would be the first step, but reviewing the 12 steps, apologies and making amends is step 5, 8 and 9. I can see now that it is crucial for people with addiction, alcoholism to strengthen themselves before reviewing the road they have traveled. I pray your son is successful in his seeking sobriety. Like Nandina wrote, it seems he is determined to work this on his own.
I agree.
My challenge this time around that Tornado is in jail and headed towards another stint in rehab, is to try my best to remain detached from whatever the outcome may be. I have a propensity to ruminate and dive right in. (Ouch).
Stay strong MT24. Keep working on yourself for a healthy response to this latest news and whatever the future holds. I’m going to do that too. Hopeful, but realistic. Loving without “rescuing”.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
