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Met Jumper's boyfriend's father and aunt at football game last night...haha. Psycho!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 460241" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's a good point. I'm certain that a lot of the reason, at least initially, for easy child to have her long-distance relationship with her boyfriend (now SIL1) was because she had the status (and "stay away from me, you other guys, I'm spoken for") of a boyfriend without the pressures. She was really messed up about sex for years because of the sexual assault at school when she was 5 years old.</p><p></p><p>MWM, I do think any girlfriend of J would be in strife with his family. For some kids, it's a very over-rotective thing. For others, it's a control thing. I've seen this myself. When I was growing up, there was a family living near us whose daughters I was friends with. I visited regularly until their father tried to seduce me. Then I realised what their home life must have been like, but I had to protect myself. I never told the girls what their father did to me. But the older girl got a boyfriend (met him at a friend's place) and was writing to this boy. Her father found out and hit the roof, made her break up with the boy, made her write the letter and made her send it. But she secretly wrote the boy another letter, sent him other messages (via the female classmate who had introduced them) so he stayed in the picture. I was beginning to lose contact with her at this point but I stayed in touch with her friend and hear more. Daddy dearest would find another letter and hit the roof again. He was behaving like a jealous lover, his girls were not allowed to ever have a boyfriend. Eventually the eldest girl ran away from home and moved in with a much older man.</p><p></p><p>Other families where I've seen this - the attitude was a conflicted "nobody is good enough for my child" coupled with "my child is not ready for a relationship and won't be until I say so" plus an overdeveloped need to protect (ie control). </p><p></p><p>With J, I suspect any girlfriend he has will cop this sort of accusation and abuse from his family. Think about what they stated their fears were - that Jumper and J were having sex, that she was planning to get pregnant and keep him by her side instead of letting him go to college. If J were going out with an older girl closer to his age, those fears would be far more likely. With Jumper, it's ludicrous. So I don't think this is about Jumper at all. It's about these people and their sense of ownership of J. Everything they have said, or done, is about them trying to control aspects of his life. It is common especially with eldest children in a family where the parents are dysfunctional and themselves unwilling to accept the changes we go through at various stages of our lives. Your child developing romantic attachments is the first warning bell indicating approaching grandparenthood and old age. Buffed, primped, botoxed party individuals tend to be more inclined to denial and obstruction in order to ward this off for as long as they can.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 460241, member: 1991"] It's a good point. I'm certain that a lot of the reason, at least initially, for easy child to have her long-distance relationship with her boyfriend (now SIL1) was because she had the status (and "stay away from me, you other guys, I'm spoken for") of a boyfriend without the pressures. She was really messed up about sex for years because of the sexual assault at school when she was 5 years old. MWM, I do think any girlfriend of J would be in strife with his family. For some kids, it's a very over-rotective thing. For others, it's a control thing. I've seen this myself. When I was growing up, there was a family living near us whose daughters I was friends with. I visited regularly until their father tried to seduce me. Then I realised what their home life must have been like, but I had to protect myself. I never told the girls what their father did to me. But the older girl got a boyfriend (met him at a friend's place) and was writing to this boy. Her father found out and hit the roof, made her break up with the boy, made her write the letter and made her send it. But she secretly wrote the boy another letter, sent him other messages (via the female classmate who had introduced them) so he stayed in the picture. I was beginning to lose contact with her at this point but I stayed in touch with her friend and hear more. Daddy dearest would find another letter and hit the roof again. He was behaving like a jealous lover, his girls were not allowed to ever have a boyfriend. Eventually the eldest girl ran away from home and moved in with a much older man. Other families where I've seen this - the attitude was a conflicted "nobody is good enough for my child" coupled with "my child is not ready for a relationship and won't be until I say so" plus an overdeveloped need to protect (ie control). With J, I suspect any girlfriend he has will cop this sort of accusation and abuse from his family. Think about what they stated their fears were - that Jumper and J were having sex, that she was planning to get pregnant and keep him by her side instead of letting him go to college. If J were going out with an older girl closer to his age, those fears would be far more likely. With Jumper, it's ludicrous. So I don't think this is about Jumper at all. It's about these people and their sense of ownership of J. Everything they have said, or done, is about them trying to control aspects of his life. It is common especially with eldest children in a family where the parents are dysfunctional and themselves unwilling to accept the changes we go through at various stages of our lives. Your child developing romantic attachments is the first warning bell indicating approaching grandparenthood and old age. Buffed, primped, botoxed party individuals tend to be more inclined to denial and obstruction in order to ward this off for as long as they can. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Met Jumper's boyfriend's father and aunt at football game last night...haha. Psycho!
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