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General Parenting
Met with-therapist to discuss placement for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 485651" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I tend to think it's because when kids are younger, the 'outside' rewards are effective. As these boys get older, they aren't./ But the boys don't know that and between them and the parents, it's very easy to just keep thinking a bigger and bigger reward or stiffer consequence will solve the problem, but it doesn't. I've heard from many parents, of difficult children and TTs both, that boys this age are really trying to find their path to manhood. The things that worked pre-teen years will no longer work. </p><p></p><p>I know you'll do what you want and I understand your frustration. I'm just suggesting that you try to open your ideas to things that you aren't used to being set in.</p><p></p><p>If you want him to go someplace to live a while, maybe you shouldn't pick a place that uses the methods you have been using, because lets face it, if they were working, you wouldn't be looking for some place else. If you want to continue on and believe eventually this will work for him (and maybe it will- I have no idea), then I suggest you quit threatening to send him someplace else. This kind of threat rarely 'snaps' a kid into appreciating you- it really can serve to push him further away from you and anything you want.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 485651, member: 3699"] I tend to think it's because when kids are younger, the 'outside' rewards are effective. As these boys get older, they aren't./ But the boys don't know that and between them and the parents, it's very easy to just keep thinking a bigger and bigger reward or stiffer consequence will solve the problem, but it doesn't. I've heard from many parents, of difficult children and TTs both, that boys this age are really trying to find their path to manhood. The things that worked pre-teen years will no longer work. I know you'll do what you want and I understand your frustration. I'm just suggesting that you try to open your ideas to things that you aren't used to being set in. If you want him to go someplace to live a while, maybe you shouldn't pick a place that uses the methods you have been using, because lets face it, if they were working, you wouldn't be looking for some place else. If you want to continue on and believe eventually this will work for him (and maybe it will- I have no idea), then I suggest you quit threatening to send him someplace else. This kind of threat rarely 'snaps' a kid into appreciating you- it really can serve to push him further away from you and anything you want. [/QUOTE]
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Met with-therapist to discuss placement for difficult child
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