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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 552890" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>You are so right. And it is so very difficult to try to put it in rules, when it feels there are no any. Or that at least they are so complex and changing and full of variables it is so difficult to put them into words. And even if you knew how to explain them, it is even more difficult to explain them without being too offensive, when the one you are trying to explain them is socially clumsy and you kind of wouldn't pinpoint that to him. I mean, how do you explain to a young child, that most of your peers think that things you think are awesome are totally lame. And that you would do socially so much better, if you just kept your mouth shut and would do as others tell you. I mean, that was kind of truth with my difficult child when he was young (and still is to the point.) It's just impossible to explain someone, that you are not liked because who you are and if you want to be liked you have to change yourself. And not just your behaviour but your real interests etc. Luckily as an adult it is little bit easier. While difficult child still has to get along with his team mates, it is easier to explain 'workplace rules' to that, even if relationships inside of the sport team tend to be much more complex and closer than in average workplace for several reasons (spending more time together, spending it in tight spaces, strong emotional content of everyday work, giving your everything, sharing those highs and lows, many being far away from home and moving rather often, so team is very important in every way socially etc.) I do hope my difficult child would be able to make more out of sport friends. He will be in the same town two more years. That is enough time to make friends. It's a college town with a large engineering school. He would probably find people with similar interests and his age from that direction easier than sports. And having outside friends could be very beneficial to him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have to say, that I didn't know there was professionals like this either. Unfortunately it seems, that there are not many. I have heard social skills taught in workshops for young adults who have disabilities or difficult time finding jobs. But I bet those are more in line with 'you have to come to workplace in time', 'you have to do as your boss tells you', 'you have to greet your workmates', 'you should not share too intimate details of yourself in workplace' etc. My difficult child has always been kind of the misfit. Too well functioning for services that are available but not really making the cut to 'normalcy' either. He is so incredibly lucky to have this special talent and the employer that really wants to work with him. And this mental coach seems to be godsend. difficult child has been working with him just four months but he really seems to be able to make a difference. In those four months it has gone from very confusing 'difficult child is so difficult' situation to nicely organized problem areas and plans how to work or deal with those. Of course we will see how it will really work out much later, but just now it is something very hopeful. Of course it to work out difficult child has to stay motivated and willing to work hard. And I have to give him credit for him on that. He has really matured, is ready to own most of his problems and is ready to work on them. As I said, that would not had been possible just two or three years ago and I'm very proud of him being ready to that now.</p><p></p><p>I don't think this mental coach is using any real program or outside source in this. It seems he tries to come up with ways that difficult child would get and that he is mainly doing it out of his own experience. It would be so cool, if there would be for example workbooks about things like that. For adults with social difficulties to work on their own or us parents to read and get ideas how to work with these things with our kids. But at least I have never seen anything like that. As I said, when difficult child was younger, teaching social skills was talked about a lot, but I never really got an idea that anything concrete was happening or that anyone really knew how to actually do the teaching.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 552890, member: 14557"] You are so right. And it is so very difficult to try to put it in rules, when it feels there are no any. Or that at least they are so complex and changing and full of variables it is so difficult to put them into words. And even if you knew how to explain them, it is even more difficult to explain them without being too offensive, when the one you are trying to explain them is socially clumsy and you kind of wouldn't pinpoint that to him. I mean, how do you explain to a young child, that most of your peers think that things you think are awesome are totally lame. And that you would do socially so much better, if you just kept your mouth shut and would do as others tell you. I mean, that was kind of truth with my difficult child when he was young (and still is to the point.) It's just impossible to explain someone, that you are not liked because who you are and if you want to be liked you have to change yourself. And not just your behaviour but your real interests etc. Luckily as an adult it is little bit easier. While difficult child still has to get along with his team mates, it is easier to explain 'workplace rules' to that, even if relationships inside of the sport team tend to be much more complex and closer than in average workplace for several reasons (spending more time together, spending it in tight spaces, strong emotional content of everyday work, giving your everything, sharing those highs and lows, many being far away from home and moving rather often, so team is very important in every way socially etc.) I do hope my difficult child would be able to make more out of sport friends. He will be in the same town two more years. That is enough time to make friends. It's a college town with a large engineering school. He would probably find people with similar interests and his age from that direction easier than sports. And having outside friends could be very beneficial to him. I have to say, that I didn't know there was professionals like this either. Unfortunately it seems, that there are not many. I have heard social skills taught in workshops for young adults who have disabilities or difficult time finding jobs. But I bet those are more in line with 'you have to come to workplace in time', 'you have to do as your boss tells you', 'you have to greet your workmates', 'you should not share too intimate details of yourself in workplace' etc. My difficult child has always been kind of the misfit. Too well functioning for services that are available but not really making the cut to 'normalcy' either. He is so incredibly lucky to have this special talent and the employer that really wants to work with him. And this mental coach seems to be godsend. difficult child has been working with him just four months but he really seems to be able to make a difference. In those four months it has gone from very confusing 'difficult child is so difficult' situation to nicely organized problem areas and plans how to work or deal with those. Of course we will see how it will really work out much later, but just now it is something very hopeful. Of course it to work out difficult child has to stay motivated and willing to work hard. And I have to give him credit for him on that. He has really matured, is ready to own most of his problems and is ready to work on them. As I said, that would not had been possible just two or three years ago and I'm very proud of him being ready to that now. I don't think this mental coach is using any real program or outside source in this. It seems he tries to come up with ways that difficult child would get and that he is mainly doing it out of his own experience. It would be so cool, if there would be for example workbooks about things like that. For adults with social difficulties to work on their own or us parents to read and get ideas how to work with these things with our kids. But at least I have never seen anything like that. As I said, when difficult child was younger, teaching social skills was talked about a lot, but I never really got an idea that anything concrete was happening or that anyone really knew how to actually do the teaching. [/QUOTE]
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