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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 555060" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I find this very interesting. What you have told me seem to aim to noticing other people and acknowledging them. I think I did something similar with my difficult child. I was a stay at home mom when kids were small and our kids start school late (Kindergarten at age of six), but we did attend different type of clubs or groups. There was a club there both kids and a parent attended together and there was some organized activity and then free play for kids and coffee and chatting for parents and there were those were kids went by themselves. And of course there was also play dates with kids on neighbourhood and trips to playgrounds. So also difficult child had changes to practise social skills. Before the groups and clubs we always talked with difficult child who would likely be there etc. Kids were often allowed to take one of their own toys with them and we did plan how difficult child would show the toy for some kid and ask them to play with him with the toy etc. And afterwards we talked who were there, what did they do or say etc. He did learn to be aware of others and also say hi etc. but it took a lot more time and effort than with easy child who was always spontaneously talking about those same things.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child the biggest problem, and the one I never was able to help him with, was joining the play and keeping up with the play. When he was small, adult always needed to help him in joining the play. And when the play changed (either kids changed place or the scheme of the play changed), difficult child was unable to follow and was left behind and outside of the game and unable to join back in. And he did try, but somehow all his efforts were somehow slightly wrong. He was too boisterous or bossy or timid or whatever. He actively tried to change tactics but never got it right. When he got little older bullying made things much more difficult. He wasn't a popular kid and even if he had done it almost right, he was not accepted any more.</p><p></p><p>At school things changed again, because the plays played changed. No more so much imaginative play and more playing games with rules. That solved most of his problems on staying in play, but joining was still a problem. Of course he also was totally out of it with politics of school yard (and was severely bullied), but in his elementary school there was two playing fields were kids played mostly soccer during recesses (our schools have lots of those), other for smaller kids and other for bigger kids. difficult child is a natural athlete and he was a good soccer player and could mostly work out also a social side of being in the field, even without referee there. But still it was huge difficulty for him to actually get in the game. Even though school had a strict rule that everyone who wanted had to be included to certain group activities like soccer or tag or skip rope during recess. But still difficult child often ended up standing next to playing field and not knowing how to get in the game. He did get in at times but apparently not usually by his own efforts but because some more competitive kids wanted their team to win and difficult child was certainly an asset so they actively took him in to the game.</p><p></p><p>In fact this still seems to be one of his big problems. He doesn't know how to join the group, activity or conservation. He either stands there dumb and waits if someone is nice enough to invite him or tries to join and does it somehow totally wrong and gets excluded or irritates others. And this is something I have never been able to explain how to do even though I can do it myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 555060, member: 14557"] I find this very interesting. What you have told me seem to aim to noticing other people and acknowledging them. I think I did something similar with my difficult child. I was a stay at home mom when kids were small and our kids start school late (Kindergarten at age of six), but we did attend different type of clubs or groups. There was a club there both kids and a parent attended together and there was some organized activity and then free play for kids and coffee and chatting for parents and there were those were kids went by themselves. And of course there was also play dates with kids on neighbourhood and trips to playgrounds. So also difficult child had changes to practise social skills. Before the groups and clubs we always talked with difficult child who would likely be there etc. Kids were often allowed to take one of their own toys with them and we did plan how difficult child would show the toy for some kid and ask them to play with him with the toy etc. And afterwards we talked who were there, what did they do or say etc. He did learn to be aware of others and also say hi etc. but it took a lot more time and effort than with easy child who was always spontaneously talking about those same things. With difficult child the biggest problem, and the one I never was able to help him with, was joining the play and keeping up with the play. When he was small, adult always needed to help him in joining the play. And when the play changed (either kids changed place or the scheme of the play changed), difficult child was unable to follow and was left behind and outside of the game and unable to join back in. And he did try, but somehow all his efforts were somehow slightly wrong. He was too boisterous or bossy or timid or whatever. He actively tried to change tactics but never got it right. When he got little older bullying made things much more difficult. He wasn't a popular kid and even if he had done it almost right, he was not accepted any more. At school things changed again, because the plays played changed. No more so much imaginative play and more playing games with rules. That solved most of his problems on staying in play, but joining was still a problem. Of course he also was totally out of it with politics of school yard (and was severely bullied), but in his elementary school there was two playing fields were kids played mostly soccer during recesses (our schools have lots of those), other for smaller kids and other for bigger kids. difficult child is a natural athlete and he was a good soccer player and could mostly work out also a social side of being in the field, even without referee there. But still it was huge difficulty for him to actually get in the game. Even though school had a strict rule that everyone who wanted had to be included to certain group activities like soccer or tag or skip rope during recess. But still difficult child often ended up standing next to playing field and not knowing how to get in the game. He did get in at times but apparently not usually by his own efforts but because some more competitive kids wanted their team to win and difficult child was certainly an asset so they actively took him in to the game. In fact this still seems to be one of his big problems. He doesn't know how to join the group, activity or conservation. He either stands there dumb and waits if someone is nice enough to invite him or tries to join and does it somehow totally wrong and gets excluded or irritates others. And this is something I have never been able to explain how to do even though I can do it myself. [/QUOTE]
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