Stressbunny, I need to clarify that when my difficult child was 20, I was nowhere near where I am now when it comes to setting boundaries. My husband and I rescued her time after time over a period of many years.
My difficult child is now 29-years-old. I first came here when she was 18. When she was 20, I was still convinced she would "come out of it" and it would just take time and maturity for her to straighten herself out. So, we enabled her behavior by rescuing her from her DUI and numerous job losses and evictions and by doing so just helped her further and further down the path of addiction.
It wasn't until she was 26 that I finally realized she was an alcoholic and addicted to xanax. That is when the years of rehab, halfway houses, and intensive treatment programs started.
I was convinced that there was a fix out there and I just had to find it. Sadly, I finally came to realize that I didn't have the power to fix her . . . only she has that power. So now I have come to the place where I am willing to let go and let God. I still hope that my difficult child will come to the point in her life where she will accept that she needs help and will take advantage of the people in her life now that truly care about her and want to help her.
Whether she does or not is up to her. As I said, though, it took many years to get to this place and the past year of going to a therapist myself has helped me immensely. As I told my therapist yesterday, it has been a year now that I have been going to see her and in that year I don't think my difficult child has changed at all. I, however, have changed greatly and can see now where my obligations as a mother and my difficult child's needs and wants no longer overlap.
The bottom line is that I have no obligation to parent a 29-year-old woman although she will always be my much loved daughter. I hope that makes sense.
~Kathy
