Sometimes it is good to have that time and space and separateness. I think for many of us here, it has been the experience that difficult children routinely only communicate when they want and expect something. After it goes on so long, we dread to get the call or text, because the question arises “What now?” The fear and anxiety rise to the surface, and when I see the caller ID, I have to decide if I want to answer it or not. Often I do not.
But it often unwittingly happened that because we loved our kids and wanted to give them what they wanted, and tried to “fix” what was needful in their lives, and "save them", that we ended up just continuing to enable their self-destructive behaviors, and increasing our own pain, when we saw no positive results.
Often in a “fog” – the old fear, obligation, guilt we feel until we come to understand the freedom that comes (sometimes slowly, but eventually) with lovingly detaching and switching the focus to take care of us. It is a day by day process for me, keeping emotion out of it, having no expectations, but in a way trying to still believe all is as it should be and will be alright.
You show your strength. Glad you are taking care and reading others' post. We all learn from each other, and find gems of wisdom that strike a chord with us, even when we didn't realize that is what we needed to know. Stay with us. You are not alone.
