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Missing or just AWOL?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 746917" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think your response was perfect! Of course he hung up on you, you were telling him the truth and he didn't like it. He was probably hoping for you to cave and say "I'll figure out a way to get you some money"</p><p>Good job on standing your ground.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Well of course he does. This is written on page 82 in the "difficult adult child handbook" </p><p>My son is no different. He wants my help but wants to dictate how I should help him. Reality check, not gonna happen.</p><p></p><p></p><p>And this kind of response is in the first chapter of the "handbook" titled, "blame the parents"</p><p>It's much easier for them to blame us the parents than to look deep within themselves and admit that their life is out of control, but you see, this would also force them to admit that all the things "mom and dad" have been telling them for years was true. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Isn't it amazing how he was able to manage on his own. </p><p>I've been down that road too many times with my son. The desperate phone calls or private FB messages telling me he was going to die, starve to death, freeze to death, if I really love him I would help him, blah, blah, blah...................</p><p>As for the ER story, of course you want to believe him but can you? </p><p>I have taken the position with my son that if his lips are moving, he's lying. He has lied to me so many times and for years. One of his desperate messages to me a few years back was that he had a huge gash in his leg and that he needed money to go to the ER. I told him if he went to the ER they would have to treat him and he could work with them on paying the bill. Most likely they would have written it off. He of course got mad at me that I wouldn't help him. Funny how the very next day he was posting pictures on FB of him and some friends hiking in the mountains. It's a miracle how fast his leg healed!!</p><p></p><p>One of the best things and hardest things I have done for myself is to fully accept that my son could die and I may never know. I came to realize that I was spending too much time in worry mode and my mind would create all sorts of horrible scenarios. Once I faced the fear of the worst scenario, him dying, I was finally able to move on.</p><p></p><p>We haven't heard from our son for over a month. The other day he sent a brief message to my husband that he's going north to do some kind of fishing that he will make a boat load of money. I wish him well but do not hold our any great expectations. I've been down this road before, all the other schemes he's had to make a boat load of money. So, he goes about his life and I go about mine. I'm sure there will be a really long period of silence before we hear from him again. One good thing, because we have held firm in not helping him, he rarely asks us anymore.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 746917, member: 18516"] I think your response was perfect! Of course he hung up on you, you were telling him the truth and he didn't like it. He was probably hoping for you to cave and say "I'll figure out a way to get you some money" Good job on standing your ground. Well of course he does. This is written on page 82 in the "difficult adult child handbook" My son is no different. He wants my help but wants to dictate how I should help him. Reality check, not gonna happen. And this kind of response is in the first chapter of the "handbook" titled, "blame the parents" It's much easier for them to blame us the parents than to look deep within themselves and admit that their life is out of control, but you see, this would also force them to admit that all the things "mom and dad" have been telling them for years was true. Isn't it amazing how he was able to manage on his own. I've been down that road too many times with my son. The desperate phone calls or private FB messages telling me he was going to die, starve to death, freeze to death, if I really love him I would help him, blah, blah, blah................... As for the ER story, of course you want to believe him but can you? I have taken the position with my son that if his lips are moving, he's lying. He has lied to me so many times and for years. One of his desperate messages to me a few years back was that he had a huge gash in his leg and that he needed money to go to the ER. I told him if he went to the ER they would have to treat him and he could work with them on paying the bill. Most likely they would have written it off. He of course got mad at me that I wouldn't help him. Funny how the very next day he was posting pictures on FB of him and some friends hiking in the mountains. It's a miracle how fast his leg healed!! One of the best things and hardest things I have done for myself is to fully accept that my son could die and I may never know. I came to realize that I was spending too much time in worry mode and my mind would create all sorts of horrible scenarios. Once I faced the fear of the worst scenario, him dying, I was finally able to move on. We haven't heard from our son for over a month. The other day he sent a brief message to my husband that he's going north to do some kind of fishing that he will make a boat load of money. I wish him well but do not hold our any great expectations. I've been down this road before, all the other schemes he's had to make a boat load of money. So, he goes about his life and I go about mine. I'm sure there will be a really long period of silence before we hear from him again. One good thing, because we have held firm in not helping him, he rarely asks us anymore. Hang in there!!! [/QUOTE]
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