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Mom, Can boyfriend stay with us?
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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 165005" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>I think you are doing a great job of disconnecting from difficult child's problems -- you gave a firm "no" about the boyfriend moving in. My difficult child tried that a few months ago, only he texted me about it. "Could his girlfriend move in with us?" I gave that a firm, unequivical, no wiggle-room "no" but I wanted to say: HELLO, I don't even like YOU living with us, why would I want her here too?!</p><p> </p><p>I have, on occasion, let a friend in need spend the night. Someone who was kicked out and had no where to go. Or had no ride. But I always stood firm that this was just an one night, you-need-to-talk-to-your-folks-and-work-it-out kind of thing. I always told difficult child their folks must have had a good reason to kick them out and I was not going to bail them out of problems of their own doing.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry you daughter seems intent on letting her boyfriend drag her down. I think the drama of it all makes her feel very important and she is not ready to let go of that. It may take some time, but she will come to see on her own that saving this loser time after time while he does nothing with his life is a big waste of her time and energy. A niece of mine went through this. She ended up calling off her wedding to "loser-boy" a month and a half before their wedding date. She was tired of him blowing the rent money on partying with his friends. She was tired of working while he sat home 'cause he couldn't find a job he "liked". Best decison of her life. She is now married to a nice guy with a good job. They have a beautiful home and a new baby. </p><p> </p><p>I hope my niece's story brings you hope. Sometimes they just have to get it on their own. Too bad they won't listen to us and save themselves alot of time and pain along the way!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 165005, member: 4772"] I think you are doing a great job of disconnecting from difficult child's problems -- you gave a firm "no" about the boyfriend moving in. My difficult child tried that a few months ago, only he texted me about it. "Could his girlfriend move in with us?" I gave that a firm, unequivical, no wiggle-room "no" but I wanted to say: HELLO, I don't even like YOU living with us, why would I want her here too?! I have, on occasion, let a friend in need spend the night. Someone who was kicked out and had no where to go. Or had no ride. But I always stood firm that this was just an one night, you-need-to-talk-to-your-folks-and-work-it-out kind of thing. I always told difficult child their folks must have had a good reason to kick them out and I was not going to bail them out of problems of their own doing. I'm sorry you daughter seems intent on letting her boyfriend drag her down. I think the drama of it all makes her feel very important and she is not ready to let go of that. It may take some time, but she will come to see on her own that saving this loser time after time while he does nothing with his life is a big waste of her time and energy. A niece of mine went through this. She ended up calling off her wedding to "loser-boy" a month and a half before their wedding date. She was tired of him blowing the rent money on partying with his friends. She was tired of working while he sat home 'cause he couldn't find a job he "liked". Best decison of her life. She is now married to a nice guy with a good job. They have a beautiful home and a new baby. I hope my niece's story brings you hope. Sometimes they just have to get it on their own. Too bad they won't listen to us and save themselves alot of time and pain along the way! [/QUOTE]
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